[Closed] @eidxiety ††

[winterbolt]

u get the small baby bird icon this time

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[eidxiety]

[Ain's poor little Catholic heart is going to stop when he finds out gay bars are real and people just do that. You can kiss boys? What the fuck...]

Ginchy. I'll come back some time. If you lurk around the same spots, it'll be easy to find you.

[The cash is on the table. They could just leave. It's the normal thing to do. Ain shouldn't want to linger too long. Someone else could use this table, and their dinner is done, but...]

Did you walk? Haha, it looks like it's raining pretty hard...

[lupusxylem]

[Yeah sorry Ain. There are gay people in this town. They exist.

There also were probably A Lot of gay boys at your Catholic boys only school. They were born there.

Wolfwood swings to his feet, grabbing a toothpick from a container off the table to jam between his teeth.]

Nah, I drove. My car's parked a little up the street.

You took a taxi, right? [...] I could just drop you off at your place, if you want.

[You know if Ain is fine with Wolfwood seeing that he's part of the Ishmael family.]

[eidxiety]

[By the time Stonewall hits it'll be national news that gays are bred in Catholic schools. Ain's one of the shier gays who refused to take his clothes off in the gym locker rooms, as discussed, but others were not like this. This is how the LGBTs can still win.]

Haha... Why not take me to the mid-point of town? [You know. Neutral Territory™. Where there's kind of a melting point of the rich and the poor, the greasers and the devout Catholics. The economic and religious divide is a lot less obvious there. This is a huge town.] There's a stop there. I wouldn't want you to...

[Find out that he's from a mafia family. Not that the average person knows where the Ishmaels live, but... what if?]

...people up north can be judgmental. I can be judgmental. I wouldn't want you to catch flak.

[lupusxylem]

[Hm. A bit of an odd request initially, but after thinking about it for more than half a second, Wolfwood gets what he's saying. They're both from very different worlds, obviously, and mafia relations or no...they'd potentially turn unsavory heads. The last thing he wants is to draw more trouble to Ain just for being who he is.]

Alright. I'll bring you to a bus stop, then. Just so you don't gotta take a taxi.

[Ain has a bus pass, right. Surely he's not so rich that he doesn't-]

We'd better get going now if we want to beat the worst of the rain, though. ...actually.

[As he starts for the exit, he shrugs off his leather jacket, shaking it out a bit before he drapes it over Ain's shoulders.]

Pull this up over your head if it starts to pour pretty bad. A little water ain't the worst thing this jacket has seen.

[The worst is usually blood-

Said jacket smells very strongly of cigarette smoke, but also...sandalwood. It's cologne.]

[eidxiety]

[Oh. Oh...

The acrid tang of cigarette smoke is incredibly obvious on this, but it's also warm, and that underlying scent of cologne... Ain tries not to make it obvious that his face is red as he pulls the leather coat closed around him.]

I have my cardigan, so I'm fine...

[But his voice dies in his throat, and he moves to shoulder the door open instead. It's pouring outside. No matter where Wolfwood parked, they're going to get half-soaked on the way.]

So. Are we running? Or are you more of a leisurely walk through a storm sort of guy?

[lupusxylem]

We're running. Think you can keep up?

[He huffs on a laugh as they head outside, briefly protected underneath an awning. Wolfwood's car is a ways off, so...yeah, there's no way they're not going to get wet. Ain, at least, will be able to save his hair if he utilizes Wolfwood's coat properly.]

C'mon!

[Either way, he bolts out into the rain without preamble, expecting Ain to follow after him.

About a block from the diner on the side of the road sits a jet black chevy. Wolfwood practically slams into it as he slides on the sidewalk, punching his key into the lock and flinging open the passenger door so Ain can scramble inside before he does the same on the other, very nearly getting hit on the road as he gets in the other side. Hopefully Ain didn't see him flipping that guy off.]

[eidxiety]

I'm great at running!

[This is both true in the athletic and the "I have problems and hide from them" sense. Anyway, off into the rain they sprint, and Ain is only a few paces behind Wolfwood the entire time. The leather coat does get pulled up over his head about ten seconds after they begin, as the rain starts to soak his curls and the collar of his shirt, and it does its job well enough. It's difficult to run out here with his arms over his head, shoes splashing in the puddles, the ends of his jeans getting soaked through... but he manages, literally sliding to a stop in the car and throwing himself into the passenger-side seat.

He doesn't see Wolfwood flipping a guy off. He's too busy laughing again, taking off the wet leather coat and folding it in his lap...

...how soaked is Wolfwood's shirt, how transparent is that shit, is Ain about to have a moment.]

[lupusxylem]

[Oh, it is a wet t-shirt contest up in here. Wolfwood was not protected from the rain at all, so his button-down got soaked through. It clings to his chest, as does that cross necklace Ain noticed from their first meeting. He drags a hand through his damp hair, sighing as he rummages for paper towels from his glove box.]

Remind me to put an umbrella in this thing...you didn't fall back there, didja?

[eidxiety]

[The laughter just sort of... stops, when Wolfwood climbs into the driver's seat.

Ain does not answer the question at first because he's too busy Staring again. Jeeeesus Christ. Wolfwood has to be showing off that he's jacked because he wants Ain to feel insecure or something, right? Like an alpha male type of mentality? "I'm more muscular than you and women love that"... that or he's trying to impress the girls walking down the street (with their umbrellas, meanwhile these two are running in the rain, yeah no). Or he's... Ain doesn't know, he's showing off in general, not for any reason but just because. That button-down is way too tight. He's soaked. Isn't he cold? He's probably cold. Ain should give him his jacket back...

...]

Huh... oh, no. [And he is Ripping his eyes away and putting them on the dashboard.] I nearly did, haha, but I caught myself at the last second. I'm okay!

[lupusxylem]

[Well don't look now Ain, Wolfwood is reaching for your face with a dry paper towel to wipe it off like you're twelve, seemingly not noticing the fact you've been ogling his wet chest this entire time.]

You sure did get soaked, though. Didn't I tell ya to use the jacket?

[He chuckles, cranking the car next so he can turn on the heat.]

Better hope that bus stop has a roof on it, it's still coming down out there.

[eidxiety]

[Oh no. Ain's face is burning hot now. He wants it to be because of the storm and the cold, but that's not quite it, is it? Surely it's just because Wolfwood is embarrassing him by wiping his face off for him. He's not a child! He's an adult person, he...

Opens his mouth to say something, but all that slips out is the most nervous-sounding laugh. What's wrong with him tonight?]

I think it does. It's one of those with a roof over it. [You know, the fancy ones, even if the seats are still uncomfortable.] I know the way, so I can help direct you there.

[lupusxylem]

Good deal. Here, take these, I need to drive.

[Throws the paper towels into his lap as he starts to pull out. He parallel parked some-fucking-how, so this might take him a minute.]

Glad you had a good time though, even if you got wet in the end. [P...Phrasing? Phrasing.] I dunno how far your place is from that bus stop, but if you need it, you can borrow my jacket. I don't care.

[eidxiety]

[...okay, Ain will take these. He sort of idly dries the water from his hands and squeezes his hair out into them, even though he's likely to get wetter later. The phrasing goes completely over his head. He's too busy focusing on the offer to just borrow Wolfwood's jacket?]

Oh, um...

[His family would skin him if he came home wearing a leather jacket that smells like cigarettes. He'd be accused of all manner of things, and Ain has a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach just thinking about it. Sinful, shameful behaviour. Smoking. Going to the poor side of town with the degenerates and lawlessness...

He brushes a thumb over the wet collar of it.]

...won't... won't you be cold without it...?

[lupusxylem]

[Ain...really should come up with an excuse as to why he can't take the jacket. Right?

Right?

Wolfwood, meanwhile, carefully backs into the street before finally pulling off, leaning against the window the way Lawless Degenerates do, looking over at Ain out of the corner of his eye.]

Nah, I'm made of tougher stuff than that. Just make sure it comes back to me clean, alright?

[He winks at him as he says that, like, what do you mean Wolfwood-

Wolfwood...just wants an excuse for Ain to HAVE to see him again. There's genuinely no other reason, because otherwise he'd never let this jacket out of his sight. It has Chapel's crosses on it after all, the ones on the sleeves...but since they look like normal crucifixes, Ain would be fine so long as he didn't wear it in this part of town.

Not that Wolfwood imagines he'd wear it in public. Certainly not up north, he'd have to be insane to do that.]

[eidxiety]

[Ain is gonna notice those crosses later and be like "uhhhhhh I'msureitsfine". Like that's a coincidence. They sell cross cufflinks in stores! It's a fashion choice! And Wolfwood is too sweet to be part of Chapel's crew. Black and white. Easy.

He needs to find a way to say no. The thing is... This weird part of him, the part that was flushed when Wolfwood twirled him on the dance floor and the part that keeps staring at the way that choker lines his neck, and the worse part that can't stop staring at his chest... That part wants to keep it for a while. Ain's tracing the stitching of the leather now, careful not to dig his nails in too sharply, lest he scratch the material somehow.]

It won't get dirty. [Whatever meaning was there completely goes over Ain's head.] I'll just feel bad for leaving you in the cold, haha. You haven't left anything in the pockets, have you?

[lupusxylem]

Mmm...some coins? Candy maybe? If you find any, you can have it.

[I'll let you decide whether or not Wolfwood accidentally leaves his cigarette lighter in one of the pockets. Ain can have a heart attack over that, too, otherwise it will just be in his pants pockets like a normal person.

The bus stop is, unfortunately, not too far of a drive. They won't have much longer to talk, which prompts Wolfwood to cock his head to the side.]

How about we meet at the park again. This time next week? You can give it back then.

[eidxiety]

[My coin toss determined Ain's gonna lose it about the lighter later.

As they approach the stop, Ain slings the coat on, arms through the sleeves. It's still warm. It still smells sharply of Wolfwood. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He should take it off and give it back. He should. But...]

Haha, okay. I can do that. I was just going to start popping by at the park throughout the week, so having an actual schedule is more helpful so I don't miss you.

["So I don't miss you." Ain has never had a friend before and it shows.

As they pull up, he hesitates getting out of the car, staring at the stop in the rain. Then, he looks at Wolfwood, and his gaze snaps back to his lap after a second passes.]

I'll see you later, alligator. Don't get too cold... okay?

[lupusxylem]

I won't.

[Wolfwood assures him as Ain steps out of the car, unable to really help the way his gaze lingers on him as he watches him wearing his coat. He didn't actually think he'd take it with him, much less actually put it on.

...it looks good on him, he thinks.

He stays in his car parked by the curb, watching and waiting as Ain makes his way safely to the bus stop. He'll stay parked there too, watching him like a hawk to make sure he gets onto the bus without getting jumped or approached by someone weird. Then...he'll sit in his car for a little while longer. Reach for a smoke.

Realize his lighter is missing, remembering that he'd left it in the pocket of his jacket.]

Fuck.

[eidxiety]

[The second he's on the bus, when there's a moment, he checks to make sure his mask is still in his cardigan pocket. It is, thank God, at least he can rest easy there. He shouldn't be seen wearing this Northside. He shouldn't.

But it smells good. It smells like all the things Wolfwood is, somehow, and it's unfair. Why's such a flutter bum like him gotta make Ain think like this? Ain isn't half as attractive. Ain doesn't have nice muscles and certainly doesn't look good in a wet t-shirt. Wolfwood could come back next week with a girl on either arm, and Ain wouldn't even be shocked. The coat is so warm and Wolfwood is so fun to be around, even if they got off to a tough start, and it's just not fair.

How's a guy to compete? Why can't he get Wolfwood out of his mind?

He goes home. He takes the coat off and puts the mask on before he gets close to the house, taking his chances, because if he's carrying the jacket he can say that he found it outside and is looking for the owner. He's never lied to his family as much as he has in the last few days. It feels weird. It feels wrong. Ain shouldn't ever go back to the Southside. Lying is against God, his mom said. God wouldn't want him to lie to her. He shouldn't be hanging out with those Southside sinners.

His lips taste like the strawberry milkshake, though, and he's still thinking about dancing in front of the jukebox. He's probably giddy about having a friend. He's never had one. That has to be it.

Luckily, his family doesn't think twice about the "I found this while doing my rounds" argument. Leather jackets are warm. It's autumn. A lost item says nothing to his family about the person who might own it, leather or no, and they don't give it much of a glance. So Ain proceeds to his room and locks the door, hanging it up, changing into pyjamas. He combs his curls out, dries off.

...looks at the jacket. Gets up. Puts it on, and stands in front of his bedroom mirror to look at himself in it. Something like this doesn't suit him. It's too big, the shoulders too bulky, the sleeves too long. It's built for a man like Wolfwood, with his broad chest and squared shoulders. It's not meant for someone more petite like Ain.

He doesn't take it off. He fiddles with the cufflinks, frowning. Wolfwood wouldn't be part of that group, so it's fine. Wolfwood protected him. Chapel's people have never done something nice for another person, mom says, so Wolfwood clearly isn't with them. He isn't. He can't be.

Which is precisely why, when Ain decides to feel what's so heavy in his pocket, he nearly drops the lighter to the floor. No, no, no way. There's no way that nice man is in the mafia. He can't be! He's too normal. Too kind. A bit of a punk, but he's not...

...it's not like Ain really even knows, but wouldn't a bad guy have robbed Ain a long time ago? Like the guy who stole his wallet? The people who tried to mug him? Wolfwood's not with them. Maybe he's pretending so they don't beat him to death in the streets? That's what Chapel's people do. They beat civilians to death. It makes sense that Wolfwood has to hide, then. Why he's so nice, but dresses like he's not.

Right. Makes sense. That's what Ain will tell himself for the foreseeable future.]

[lupusxylem]

[While Ain goes home to his religious cult family and proceeds to have a small internal crisis, Wolfwood goes home to his religious cult family and proceeds to wait a minute-

No, it's not so serious as that. If anything, he gets home and he's...once again thrust into the humdrum of things being mundane, normal, and- in a word- boring. He gets back home to the mansion and puts in his report like normal. Some of the guys ask him where his jacket ended up, and he tells them an easily believable lie that he accidentally left it at the diner he had lunch at and will just pick it up when he goes back to that area for his weekly patrol. It gets them off his back so he can go to the lounge and get a drink while he watches some of the others play pool.

He thinks about how the day had gone. How his...god, there's really no getting around what it was, is there? He had burgers and shakes with the guy. They danced by the jukebox. He gave him his jacket and he actually kept it. That, my friends, is a date. He groans, dropping his head onto his arms on the edge of the bar as he watches condensation dribble down the outside of his glass.

Back years ago, when he was a teenager, he had his first time. It wasn't anything serious, more just fooling around than anything...but it was with another boy. Perhaps he had been deeply entrenched in his rebellious phase then, constantly getting himself in hot water with the family and the church for this or that bad thing he'd done, but this...this was a bad thing he couldn't so easily take back. He remembers vividly afterwards that he'd been struck with terror, with this idea that God wouldn't love him anymore now that he'd done something so against what he knew about his teachings. Even the boy he'd been with, a fellow member of the gang, had similar misgivings. He remembers they never did anything like that again, and that guy got moved to another town for outsourced work.

Yet Wolfwood never changed. In fact, as he got older, he experimented more. Not just with sex, but with other vices. Smoking became the one constant he fell the hardest into, an attempt to look cool turning rapidly into an actual addiction. Eventually he'd experiment with women too, but always...always, his mind would wander back to that first encounter. And when the time finally did come for him to have a proper night with someone?

Yeah. It was a man. It pretty much cemented Wolfwood's closeted life from that point on, but by now in his early twenties, he's started to see things a bit differently in terms of his life in general. Sure, he still feels a deep seated guilt, like maybe he shouldn't be doing what he's doing, but...then he thinks about Ain. He thinks about how he lit up the room with his smile, how he said he didn't have any other friends. How...genuinely happy he seemed when he was dancing, or drinking a milkshake for the first time.

He drags a hand through his hair, picks up his glass of whiskey, and takes it with him to bed. A few of the others look after him as he goes, but they don't really say anything or stop him.

It's...going to be a long week, he thinks. A long week of getting back to his cover job, taking care of bodies and being surrounded daily by death and sorrow. All the while, wondering if Ain ever did anything with his jacket.]

[eidxiety]

[Ain... sleeps in the jacket. Yeah. Seriously.

The first night he has it, he "absentmindedly" wears it to bed. Tucks himself right under the covers and snuggles up, breathing in the scent of nicotine and sandalwood. It's...

...it's so bad. It's bad, because he's pretty sure that jacket is what spurns him into fever dreams. At first, they're normal — hanging out, doing something mundane. Catching a flick, eating food. It's basically a dream about the night they had, adding in some weird dream logic like a giraffe being there at one point and the waitress is a dog. Normal. And then...

Then it's not normal. Ain tosses and turns all night, bouncing between half awake and dreaming. Wolfwood is at the corner of his mind. They're dancing, and Wolfwood dips him like he might a pretty girl. They're running through the rain, soaked to the bone, and suddenly Ain's hands are roaming over the expanse of the man's chest.

That one wakes him up. He's in a cold sweat, feeling strangely ill, filthy, and it's five in the morning and he simply decides he's going to take a shower. He tells himself he won't wear the jacket the rest of the week, at least not to sleep in, but that turns out to be a total lie. At one point, that's a blanket for him. At another point, he wears it only when he's alone in his room all day reading. The books still feel empty. Horribly, terribly empty. The world is so grey and dreary, and it isn't just the autumn rains, but every moment spent without Wolfwood. And when he thinks of Wolfwood, there are suddenly colours in his vision, splashes of bright ink staining his hands he can't wash away, seeping into his skin and his clothes. It's blinding.

He thinks something is wrong with him. God doesn't answer his prayers, though, and the dreams only get worse throughout the week. Suddenly they're necking in the back of Wolfwood's Toyota. Suddenly there's a scenario from one of Ain's romance novels playing scene by scene in his head, except the husband and wife roles are them, and Wolfwood's kissing him goodbye as he heads to work while Ain makes breakfast. Ain can't even cook in real life. He sure can't cook in a dream, but maybe that's less important than the fact he wakes up and swears he can taste nicotine on his tongue.

Something is Seriously wrong with him. He wakes up crying, deciding maybe he needs to lay off the books altogether because his brain is getting confused, and so he'll just read gardening books instead. It's more productive. And that doesn't work, because the next dream is worse, Wolfwood's hands on his hips while they dance under the moonlight, and that's when Ain spends the rest of his free time between work and church services reading the Bible cover to cover for the millionth time.

By the time Monday rolls around again, he hasn't entirely shaken it off. He thinks he's doing a little better, though; his brain was just confused. He was excited to have a friend and then the facts got twisted. He didn't do anything wrong, so there's nothing to worry about. God already has his six hundred apologies for his filth-ridden fever dreams, and surely he's forgiven, right? He didn't do anything. He didn't...

Ain shows up to their meeting point wearing the jacket. When he takes it off to give it back to Wolfwood, the other man's scent is completely gone. He's been wearing it all week. It smells like strawberries and star anise, Ain's signature, sharp but sweet. Everything is in the pockets as it should be.

He's not going to ask about the crosses and the lighter. He just hands it over with a smile.

Nothing is wrong.

The colours won't fade, either.]

[lupusxylem]

[Wolfwood might actually feel bad, if he knew he were responsible for Ain's blossoming sexual awakening. Or crisis. Or both. It seems to be having an equal affect on the poor guy, actually...but so long as that remains an internal problem, well...there's not much Wolfwood can do about it. He had his own fight with it, and while he's not sure he can say he's made peace with it, he's at least reached a point where he's accepted the fact he's not straight, he's closeted, it's just the way he's going to have to live his life.

While Ain is busy having a confusing meltdown over the fact that Wolfwood keeps popping up in his dreams, Wolfwood...is thinking about the fact that he may just be harboring a bit of a crush for this little twink. Now, at first, he pushes back against the idea. There's nooooo way, nuh uh, not happening. Gay man or no, he can't be hooking up with someone from the north side. Even if Chapel didn't know he was batting for the other team, he'd definitely still string him up if he knew he was even speaking with people from over there. Merely being friends with someone over there is akin to being a traitor.

But crushing on one? Crushing on a man??? Wolfwood may as well cannonball into hell immediately.

So he tries to go back to work as normal. He collects bodies as per his job description, and it is as distressing and hard to deal with as it is any other day. It's not a job he enjoys, but he at the very least takes pride in being able to help those that are grieving to have some kind of closure. Meanwhile though, Wolfwood's mind is...far and away someplace else. He's thinking about Ain, of course. Thinking about...what it might be like to take him on a "real" date, one they were both actually aware of because Ain clearly Is Not. But he figures that, realistically, that's not happening. He is fully entrenched, he is straight as an arrow, he's going to marry a nice young lady one day and have a daughter and a son and be a perfect nuclear family for his mom to have grandchildren or whatever and.

Wolfwood...thinks about him anyway. Thinks about what he can't have. Imagines holding him in his arms, kissing him and treating him nicer than he thinks he's probably been treated for most of his life, if his upbringing has been anything like his own. He has no idea, of course, that he's been tormenting Ain this whole time...just in a different way.

Whatever he's thinking and wherever his addled mind is at, he tries to put all of that on a neat little shelf for the time being as he waits at the park for Ain. This time, he actually isn't worried about him not showing for some reason. Him showing up is simply expected, and one of those rare smiles works its way onto his face when Ain shows up and he takes his jacket back. Oh, god, it smells like him. He tugs it a bit more securely around himself and immediately pats his pocket to see if his lighter is still there. He kindof wants to light up but...no. Later, when he can take this off.]

Well I'll be. You actually kept it nice and clean. It even smells better than when I left it. Kinda think I'm more keen on this than the cigarette smoke.

[He smirks, reaching out to ruffle those curls.]

Nice job, Ain.

[eidxiety]

[Hnmmgmgnfjfjgn hand in hair is exactly why Ain's having thoughts, you can't do that to him!

...anyway, he giggles, real bright and almost childish, swatting Wolfwood's hands away playfully.]

I'm not a little kid. [His curls are soft, by the way. Real soft.] You're welcome. I didn't run it through the wash or anything. I think it just picked up my scent while it was with me all week.

[Lowkey way of saying "I've been wearing it". Oh buddy, he's been wearing it.]

You ought to quit those cancer sticks anyway. They're bad for your respiratory health. If you like this scent better, that's the first sign.

[lupusxylem]

[His scent? Well then, his scent is pretty damn nice, he thinks...way, uh. More feminine than most of this era To Be Frank. But he isn't going to judge, not when his brain is cementing this as "Ain". He will associate these smells with him from now on, even when they're apart, thanks.]

Ahhh...ain't so easy as just quitting. I've been tryin'.

[He shrugs one shoulder as he steps away from the tree he was leaning against, pushing his hands into his pockets.]

Guess I need to try to find me another vice.

[eidxiety]

[The truth come out: does Ain is gay?]

Bubblegum will keep your mouth occupied. Get addicted to that instead. A quarter will get you enough to last you a week.

[Oh, they're going? They're going. Ain easily falls into step with Wolfwood as he pushes off that tree.]

I didn't come with plans in mind. This is your neck of the woods. I hope you didn't invite me out here just to return your coat and go back home, though.