dachsbuns | [Closed] @eidxiety🐎🌹

[Ain squeaks when he's pulled in. He's not expecting it, clearly, though he's swift to relax into the hold and bonk their heads together from this vantage point. Wolfwood is always so warm... he's like a weighted blanket.]

You're cute. And really sweet... I know I keep telling you I like when you're honest, but I really like when you're honest.

[HAHA... HA... ahem.]

Yeah...I know.

[His response is quiet, his voice low and slightly muffled against the side of Ain's hair as he exhales heavily, trying to will himself to calm down. There's not a whole lot he can do about this feeling, awful and primal and gnawing in his gut, other than confess everything to Ain before it's too late and hope that maybe he'd forgive him. Even if he didn't, at least it would mean he's safe, after everything.

But if he's honest with himself, Ain is already wanted. He probably knows good and well his ass isn't safe anywhere.]

...m'sorry. 'Bout everythin'.

No, no, you don't have to be sorry. I should have been nicer with you while you were figuring things out... I shouldn't have pushed you.

[Squishes his face into Wolfwood's chest.]

...I like you. I want you to like me, too. That's why I was getting so hurt.

[I like you too.

It's right there. It's so easy.

But how can he say that when everything he's done is built on a lie?

He tightens his grip around Ain a little, closing his eyes tight.]

You're...a great person. I don't really deserve you.

[As a friend? As a partner?]

But I woulda' continued livin' a lie if I hadn't met you.

[Well. More of a lie than he is now.]

Hehe...

[Ain giggles, half-awake at this point, but clearly he's giddy just hearing that. Not... As giddy as he would be if Wolfwood would have come out with a returned "I like you" or maybe even a stronger word at that, but it helps to hear that Wolfwood thinks highly of him. He's just one man, okay, Ain is out here trying his best.

He squishes Wolfwood up in a hug.]

...I just wanna cuddle with you tonight. I know I'm usually trying to get into your pants at any one moment, but I...

I want you to hold me all night instead, haha... Is that okay?

...yeah. That's fine with me. I'm still kinda hungover, so. Prolly for the best.

[Hungover and not in the mood because of reasons, but he's not going to tell him that.

Instead? He grabs at the sheets to pull them more securely over the two of them, his arms wrapped around Ain in a sleepy embrace that he's never offered him before.

At least tonight, they can just cuddle. If Ain wants to cuddle, he is getting Fucking Cuddlled.]

I got you.

[Warm... Safe.

God, Ain's really feeling it now.]

Okay.

[There's silence for a moment, and then Ain lifts his head up and places a sweet, delicate kiss on Wolfwood's lips. A goodnight kiss, almost, but... But more. There's emotion behind it that Ain isn't giving voice to, holding onto Wolfwood as his eyes drift shut.]

Goodnight, Nick. We'll leave in the morning. ...sleep well, okay?

[Ain is feeling warm, safe, and happy.

Wolfwood, meanwhile, hurts. He feels like he doesn't deserve any of it as he curls up in that warmth with Ain, keeping his eyes shut so he can maybe wake up from this nightmare already.]

Mmmhm. You too.

[...]

Night.

[Hopefully Ain gets more sleep than he does.]

[Ain sleeps like the dead, thanks. Turns out when he is very happy he gets good sleep, like a cat. And when he is very not happy he doesn't sleep. Good thing Wolfwood is getting lovestruck Ain, surely that won't bite him in the ass—

In the morning, Ain wakes first, shaking Wolfwood awake so they can go bathe and get ready to hit the road. There will not be showers on the way to the next town, after all. They dress, Ain puts on Wolfwood's coat and hat, and then they go to hitch the horses to their wagon. Supplies will be purchased on the opposite end of town, not that they need much and not that Ain is actually buying them oops. This town is good; he probably could've stayed another week or two before word spread and people were looking for his ass here. Oh well.

With that all settled and the map glanced at, Ain announces that they've got another day and a half on the road, and off they go, with him driving the first leg of it. Honestly, the wagon was a real nice steal. Ain's glad he's so economical about theft.

And yes, he will sing the entire journey.]

[Ain sleeps well. Like the dead, even. They've completely swapped positions in that regard, because Wolfwood isn't sure he gets much sleep at all. He lays awake stressing about the day ahead of them, about what to do...and the worst part is that he's still clueless by the time he wakes with Ain's urging the next morning. He's distracted as they bathe, distracted when they dress and get the horses hitched up, distracted when they grab their supplies. He's furiously turning the situation over and over in his head, desperate for a solution that will save everything and make it all alright.

But he can't come up with one. He's not clever enough, or maybe he's just that stupid that he thought this would turn out in any way but disastrous. Even if he keeps Ain's location a secret, that doesn't mean this isn't going to end with Ain resenting him for leaving.

And that- he's slowly realizing- really, really sucks.

So they travel for the first leg in relative silence, other than the sound of Ain singing at the top of his lungs. It's only when they stop by a river for a break and to water the horses does Wolfwood volunteer to drive the rest of the way himself, urging Ain to sleep for a while in the wagon. It's five hours or so to town from here...just rest.

At least then, by the time they make it to town it will be early the next morning, and he will have had...a lot of time to think.]

[And of course Ain asks "what, aren't you going to miss my singing?" all playful and happy when Wolfwood says he'll drive, but the break is appreciated and Ain does spend the rest of the time either humming from within the wagon, or just straight up asleep. Wolfwood is lucky that Elria listens to him, for as antsy as he's being. She can smell fear.

Regardless, in town they do arrive. This one is much smaller, almost more of an outpost than anything. It has a single inn, a single saloon and no restaurant, and a couple other buildings. Everything else is housing and farmland. They're selling livestock here, too, and Ain figures this is where the other town sources their livestock from. There's enough space for Wolfwood and his gang to hide out if they wanted to, enough space for the wagon to be parked at the inn, and that's about it.

Ain, naturally, still doesn't think Wolfwood's going to leave. He just cheerfully parks at the inn and starts conveniently unstrapping Angelina from the wagon.]

We could push on to the mountains from here, but they're still a long way off. Four more days, I think. We can at least take a small break before we head out. The farm probably has produce it can sell us.

[What a small town. It really does seem more like a stop-off than anything...definitely the kind of place his gang would linger at, because it would be easy to slip through unnoticed. He wonders if there's anything else worth seeing here...other than the farm, he guesses.

He feels that last thread of finality break and force the reality to set in as he watches Ain unstrap Angelina, which prompts Wolfwood to walk over and rub a hand over her nose where the larger bridle had been sitting all day. Then, he takes her over to the Inn to stable her himself, despite knowing she won't be here for more than a couple hours, at most.

Does he tell him now? Later?]

How long you plan on stayin'?

I dunno. I wanted to sell some of this jewelry off at the pawn shop there before we left. Money for the road and all, haha.

[Elria will also be stabled for now. The pawn shop is literally a stone's throw down the road, and Ain already has all of the jewelry other than the peridot necklace he liked clutched in his hands. Which is... y'know, ten rings and like a dozen real metal bangle bracelets. He's normal.]

The pawn shop person will probably be weirded out by this much. I'm gonna say it was my grandma's stuff and we're just travelling to settle elsewhere since she's passed.

["We" "Us"

....]

'Kay. Let's get your stuff pawned first. Then we can go to the farm and see if they got somethin' fresh for lunch.

[Then he'll tell him, he thinks.]

[Yeah Wolfwood this is what you get for leading him on! Use your big boy words next time.]

It looks so cute! [Ain says about the farm as they cross the street. He does not look overly feminine today, he's bare faced because they were travelling and he was not going to do makeup for a town they aren't even staying in, so they're going to have to stay the mandatory distance apart so that they aren't questioned. That's fine, though, this is just a little stop.] I bet they'll have something. I wonder if they can make a berry cobbler, though...

[He is so chipper and Wolfwood is about to crush him. He doesn't know, and instead heads into the pawn shop to talk to the old man at the counter. Ain goes on the whole grandma's dead spiel and the man looks sympathetic because like, why would someone lie about their dead grandma and selling her jewellery, that shit doesn't come easy, and after he spends half an hour checking it all out he determines that most of the stones are fake but the metal used is absolutely not. It's not as much money as Ain would've liked to make, but it's a pretty significant chunk of change that the average man simply wouldn't have these days.

Ain, who loves money and having it, pockets this easily and thanks the old pawn shop owner before they spin around and head to the farm. There's a little building in the front of it where who Ain supposes is the farmhand's son is running shop, selling things like bags of feed and bridles and all the things you would need to keep livestock or horses happy. To Ain's eyes, it looks like the homestead itself is waaaaaaaay in the back of the fields, which makes sense.

There's a short discussion, and Ain says "we're travellers and we just wanted something to eat, if you have any fresh produce" and the farmhand says oh yeah, my ma's got stuff she wants t' sell off if yer hankerin', and Ain says that would be great thanks. And then this boy says "there's also a young horse she's tryna sell, 'bout two years old and calm as a butterfly" and Ain says he'll think about it thanks.

That boy will be back with food (all fruits and vegetables, mind, and a lot of it in a crate for the wagon which Ain says "Oh I'd better run back and pull the horses around after this" and the boy says "oh sure I'll hold it all fer ya til yer back"), but Ain does indeed get his berry cobbler. This is not breakfast nor lunch, this is snack, but you take what you can get in these parts.

Ain eats, presumably Wolfwood also eats, and then there's the cursory "be right back" because they gotta go get the wagon. Ain is not carrying those crates back no sir.]

[He waited for the worst possible time to do this.

Right as they'd need the wagon. The wagon pulled by two horses, not one. One of the two is not going to be here much longer.

So as they head back towards the Inn from the farm, the food they ate sits heavy like a rock in the pit of Wolfwood's stomach. He couldn't enjoy the little farm, or the scenery, or lunch with Ain at all. All he could do was stress over what was coming next.

He fidgets with his lighter in his pocket, just for something to keep his hands occupied. The Inn looms far faster than he'd like, and that's when he decides to finally just bite the bullet as they approach it, walking with Ain over to an awning on the side of the Inn so they can stand for a moment out of the sun.]

Ain. Look, I...

[He shifts his weight from one foot to the other before pulling his hat from his head.]

M'sorry I didn't say nothin' sooner. I didn't wanna ruin your time on the road or nothin', but I- ...I ain't comin' with you.

[Hey Wolfwood, have you ever seen a man go from bright and sunshiney and joyful to looking crestfallen within a single second? No? Well congratulations because that is Exactly how Ain looks, like his heart was just stepped on underneath Wolfwood's boot.]

Um... but I thought...

[No, logically he knew Wolfwood wanted to part here, and he's known it. But he thought that, after the nice time they had, Wolfwood would change his mind, or at least tell whoever he accepted a job from or his friend here or whatever that he had something else to take care of.

But of course not. Wolfwood wouldn't even return an "I like you" last night, so why would Ain expect things to change now?]

...why? I thought you... I thought we...

[It's even worse than what he imagined it might be like. It makes him want to say "actually I lied I take it back", but that would be even more disingenuous than just going through with it and biting the bullet. If nothing else, he at least has the respect to keep Ain's gaze, and not try to look away from him.]

I know. I know, but...I got business here. I told you I was just headed in the same direction, remember?

[Yeah, he's got "business" alright...

He swallows thickly, regarding Ain with- at the very least- an expression that looks genuinely apologetic. Because it is.]

Don't get me wrong. I...really ended up enjoyin' my time with you. I enjoyed travelin' on the road with you. I enjoyed...everythin'. You pretty much turned my life around, yaknow?

[After a pause, Wolfwood attempts to reach up to brush a lock of Ain's long bangs out of his eyes, tucking it behind his ear. But if Ain ducks away from his touch, he'll understand and draw back. He doesn't particularly care if people see, for once.]

I'm real thankful I met you.

[Ain is absolutely ducking away, don't start getting cute on him when you just told him you're leaving!! What is wrong with you!!

He looks like he's going to cry, but he's keeping it together for both his own dignity (which he is rapidly losing ground holding onto) and so that Wolfwood doesn't get the satisfaction. Because that's what Ain is taking this as: satisfaction. He's happy to go, obviously, he never cared for Ain beyond a bedmate just like Ain said the other day at the inn.]

...sure. Sure I did, sure you did. [Oops now he's moved on to being Fucking Pissed.] Just— go get your things. I'll have a better response for you in a minute.

[Aka get your shit out of the wagon or Ain is taking it and he won't feel regret about it at all.]

Ain-

[He doesn't know how else to explain himself, but there's really no good way to say that he isn't coming along with him. Ain is upset, and disappointed...rightfully so. Wolfwood could have said this any other time, or- ideally- just let Ain go the first time, but because his whole job revolved around catching Ain for his gang, he pressed forward. But now...

His priorities are confused. But it's too late, at this point. He's told him now, and Ain is upset.

He waffles where he stands for a long moment before he finally relents, putting his hat back on his head so it shields his eyes properly before stepping away to give Ain space, heading straight for the wagon as directed to collect his things. His saddlebags, canteen, the little bit of personal provisions he had...all of those will get placed on Angelina's back, since she'll be his sole mode of transport, now.]

[Ain is, uh, very not good with emotions. He just is not. He's never been good with them, it's why he's constantly the way he is with regards to saying things like "no I'm not in love" when he's in love and "I'm definitely going to be loveless because I don't love" when he is literally so loving. Like, he doesn't kill people unless they try to kill him first, that's not a moral sin. His greatest vice is that he likes money and wandering and being free, sue him. (His greatest vice is the theft but Ain chooses to believe he's actually Fine.)

The reason Ain needs to be alone, given that, is because he tends to have foot in mouth syndrome, and he's very aware of it. That, and he needs to sort out his feelings. The anger with himself for not thinking or asking sooner, the betrayal because he's pretty sure they had something there, the forlornness that comes from a broken heart, the need to run because he is, at the end of the day, a runner and he always will be. If it sucks, hit da bricks.

He scrubs at his eyes with his hand as he pulls Elria from the stable. It's clear that he's setting out now, actually. Wolfwood will probably catch the tail end of Ain trying to hold back the tears, and when he's done at the wagon, Ain trails over to it to hook Elria up solo. He... is gonna pick up that other horse on the way out, he thinks. If that lady wants to sell it, Ain just pawned off enough gold to get it. Elria can handle five minutes of a wagon by herself.]

You know, I... I was hoping you'd want to stick around, [he mutters, shrugging Wolfwood's jacket higher onto his shoulders because Wolfwood is not ever getting this back, thanks.] I really thought we had something. I know you said you were leaving, but after last night...

[Ain breathes out a sigh. Elria briefly looks confused as Ain leads her out from behind the inn with the wagon only hooked up to her, whinnying and nibbling on Ain's hair for a second as he leads her past.]

...I don't know. I thought I could convince you to stay. I guess not.

[There's a sigh, and Ain brushes past, leading Elria and the wagon through the alleyway. Whether Wolfwood chooses to say anything or not here, Ain stops at the end of it and looks back at him.]

I love you, Nick. Stay safe.

[And up the road he goes.]

[Well. Not only are Ain and Wolfwood parting, they're also taking Angelina and Elria apart, the former of which has already been making her distress known. She sees Elria being hitched up without her and lets out a confused whinny, rearing briefly onto her hind legs before Wolfwood is able to placate her and get her to calm down, because if there's one thing his nerves can't handle right now it's a runaway horse. He just makes sure he has all of his things (except for his old hat and coat, naturally), leaving Angelina in her stable for now as he steps away from it so he can watch as Ain very quickly gets Elria ready to leave.

He's leaving...now? As in right now?

I thought we had something.

He feels his heart somersault in his chest again as he takes a tentative step closer, but the wagon is already moving past. Not fast enough that he couldn't catch up, but you know.

I want to stay. I want to but I can't.

He wishes he were a smarter man, so that maybe he could find the words he so desperately wants to say to him here to fix everything, but he can't. They don't come, and he's left standing there tongue tied as Ain leads Elria with the wagon past him. He says nothing.

Even as Ain turns to look back, says he loves him, and then disappears from his life.

It's true what they say. You don't know what you've lost until you actually lose it for real. And Wolfwood is left in the dust kicked up by that wagon, feeling like a hollow, empty shell of his former self long after Ain is gone. Because that man, that man he let walk away? He said he loved him. And that's something he's never heard out of anyone's mouth, ever.

It works its way around and around Wolfwood's head as he wanders back to the Inn on autopilot, loitering in the lobby instead of booking a room because he doesn't know what he's even doing right now. The gang...they're here, somewhere. He's supposed to meet up with them to tell them to go after Ain, but there's no way in Hell he's doing that now. Let them come for him for defecting, he doesn't care anymore. At least he can say that he let Ain go safely, and that this was ultimately the best decision he could have made for them both, even as he sits in one of the chairs and stares blankly out the window, fighting back this heavy, burning ache behind his eyes all the while.

Wolfwood ends up staying in that town all day. He stays in the Inn until the owners say to him to either buy a room or get out, which prompts him to go to the saloon to sit instead. Though tempting to completely drown his sorrows in whiskey, he settles with just a single shot, but not enough to get him drunk. It's late into the night now, he has no idea what the exact time is, but Ain is likely many hours down the road by this point. They'd be almost a full day apart soon. And really...the gravity of how terrible he feels only finally hits him raw when a woman steps up to the stage at the saloon and begins to sing. The song she sings is deeply sad and crooning, yet to Wolfwood it's nails on a chalkboard compared to how Ain used to sing, and he finds himself wishing he were up there instead.

It isn't until that song ended that he realizes he'd been crying into an empty glass.

At this point, it has to be the middle of the night. Maybe close to morning, because he'd sat there until nearly everybody had left the building. He almost gets kicked out, until Wolfwood finally drags himself to his feet and shuffles outside, his head falling back to look up at the stars above that he and Ain were looking at just a day ago. What must he be thinking now? Does he regret meeting him?

Does he still feel it? Love?

...

Angelina whinnies as Wolfwood takes her out of the Inn stable so fast it actually startles her, prompting him to stroke her nose in apology before throwing himself onto her back straight from the ground.]

Sorry girl. I'm gonna push you, and you're gonna hate it, but we gotta go. Right now.

[He digs his heels into her sides and takes off into the darkness, following a now barely-visible trail left behind by the wagon wheels.]

[Turns out, when Ain needs to get the hell out of dodge, he is very fast. It's helped him survive all this time, after all. He's pissed off a lot of people and will probably continue to do it, and this is part of the reason why he's so slippery: If he has to go, he's going.

That horse is purchased in under ten minutes while he's loading up the wagon. He's a large steed, though still not larger than Elria, and while Ain was told that said horse is calm as hell... he is actually very excitable. And a bit stupid.

Good god this horse is stupid. He's white with brown blotches and he has nothing behind his eyes. The farmhand's son looks a little apologetic like "he was literally calm for the last 2 years idk"... Ain decides to name this horse Dachie on the fly as he hooks him up to the wagon. Elria seems a little miffed that there's just Another Horse suddenly, but she gets over it pretty quickly.

Ain, meanwhile, gets all the crates loaded up and says thanks and fucking books it out of town, and it's only when he's actually past the town gates on the opposite side that he finally lets himself break down. And break down he does, so hard that he can't see a foot in front of him and he has to let the horses follow the road for a while. They can't run with the wagon, but they set a brisk trot for a bit while Ain holds his eyes against the jacket's sleeve and fucking bawls until his voice cracks and he can't even breathe correctly. It's pathetic. He feels disgusting. This is why he kept saying he wouldn't love, because the heartbreak hurts so bad every time. He likes the sex and the money and the freedom, he doesn't want love, why does everyone he love have to leave?

A full mental breakdown happens by the time he stops for the night. He's well ahead of Wolfwood, and there's still another three days to the mountains, and at this point Ain doesn't even know if he wants to go or if he wants to go lay in a river and drown. What he really wants to do is rip his heart out and crush it with a rock so that he stops feeling things, but that won't work.

He pushes on a little later than he needs to into the night before stopping officially, letting the horses take a break by a stream while he lays in the wagon and cries into Wolfwood's old coat. Maybe he'll be functional in the morning, he tells himself, like he didn't just have a man full-stop crush him like a handful of grapes. Maybe...

(It won't happen, he will continue to not function and just go on autopilot until he gets to the mountains. He... is not fine.)]

[Wolfwood can’t force Angelina to run the entire way nonstop, even if it wasn’t four days out. He can run for a while before they’re forced to slow to a canter or a trot, then to a walk to give her a proper cooldown. Yet the entire way, he doesn’t rest. The cold wind beating against his face keeps him awake, knowing that traveling at night is smarter when you’re not on a wagon because otherwise the sun would cook him out in this desert.

He does have to stop to sleep eventually, and each night he sleeps on a bedroll directly under the stars. He’s too stressed to set up camp properly, too worried he’ll be too late and miss Ain somehow. As soon as dawn hits he’s off again each day, alternating between riding and sleeping, day and night, stop and go.

He can’t catch up. He hasn’t seen the wagon since Ain left the town, and he can feel the anxiety mount as he wonders if it’s possible that Ain decided to go somewhere else….

But then he reminds himself that, no. It was the mountains they wanted to see, together. So when the mountain range looms high in the distance at the peak of sunset, he knows he’s almost there.

He just hopes he isn’t too late.]

[Ain is hoofing it, honestly. Not enough to be super taxing on the horses, but with two very large horses in charge of the wagon? Yeah, they were gonna go fast. And Ain is purposely hauling ass just because he wants to be anywhere but here. There's a lot he passes by on the way as he heads up the mountainside — a beautiful waterfall in the distance, a cave that he probably shouldn't go into but ordinarily would anyway, were he not depressed... a field of wild mountain flowers growing out of the grasses and stones. Things that would make him happy, things that he would've shared with Wolfwood.

...

Wolfwood, of course, isn't here. Ain glances over them all, telling himself he'll poke around later after he settles in town and has a break to just cry and scream into a pillow. Night has fallen by the time he gets to the inn, where he goes to stable both horses in the back and feed them apples as a treat. He's gone through the entire crate of apples just because he's been too depressed to think straight, but there's another crate in there that hasn't gone bad yet. Between him and the horses, it'll be gone quick, and then he can worry about buying real food.

He scrubs his eyes. He's spent the last four days on the road crying, and his face hurts and he's always sure that his tears have dried up until he drinks more water and they flow again. This is unfair. He's miserable. Why do men have to be like that? Why are men always trying to make him miserable?? Fuck men, honestly.

Ain breathes out a sigh, sniffling, as he finishes stabling both horses. Dachie looks happy to be here and is doing tippytaps in the stable, and Elria has the concerned look of a horse that knows her master is going through it. She tries to nibble Ain's hair when he passes by to start heading to the wagon, walking with his eyes closed for a brief moment again because he is going to start bawling if he doesn't.]

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