[Closed] @eidxiety ††

[winterbolt]

u get the small baby bird icon this time

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[lupusxylem]

[“I like the red fruits” he says like an alien, and Wolfwood wonders if he was sheltered or if his parents were just super strict about candy or whatever. Some are.]

People eat strawberries with chocolate all the time, yaknow.

[You can have strawberries and make them both sweeter AND more unhealthy. Wow.]

You got fries with your burger too, right? There’s something I wanna show you when your shake comes out.

[Which isn’t long, since the milkshake comes before the food does. It reminds Wolfwood he didn’t order a drink because he was distracted, so he asks the waitress to add a soda to his order and just bring it with the food.]

[eidxiety]

[They're all red, what the fuck! He's just generalizing so you understand! Why are you mean! Anyway, he's a Northside kid, so... Both of those can be true.

The shake comes, and their food will be a few minutes or so after. Ain did not expect it to be this large, served in a big glass with a colorful paper straw that looks wider than your average one would be. He immediately goes for the cherry on top, biting it off the stem and chewing before he sets the stem on a napkin. Then he responds to Wolfwood.]

Sure, sure.

[What could fries and a shake have anything to do with each other........ Ain is stirring it around now, and then, out loud:]

Oh, it's thick! [dude]

[lupusxylem]

Yeah, they tend to do that.

[Shit. He’s…cute? He’s cute. Wolfwood wants to ruffle his hair and toy with that stupid braid. Ugh.

Stop it. Stop thinking that shit. That gets you nowhere fast, just thinking down miserable paths he can never follow-]

This place makes em’ the thickest in town. I hear they hand churn it every day.

[Honestly diners like these are known for their shakes. Almost everyone eating here has one, that or a soda in a glass bottle.]

Might not be able to drink it right away. Wait for it to melt a bit first.

[eidxiety]

[Oh noooo too bad Ain is straiiiight and he's about to prove it with this move he's doing—]

Haha, really? But it clings to the straw. [He pulls said straw halfway out of the glass as an example, where the concoction has obviously glued itself there — that's sort of what happens when you have a super frozen drink like this.] I can probably at least begin to eat it like this.

[He's impatient, he wants to try it, and just before their food arrives — literally maybe thirty seconds before the waitress rounds the corner and sees this — Ain does a very classless thing, pulling the straw out fully and shoving that whole thing into his mouth to eat the ice cream off of it that way. He basically is deepthroating this straw.

It gets pulled out when it's licked clean and plopped back into the glass. Ain's only exclamation after is—]

Oh, wow, that's really good!

[lupusxylem]

[Their waitress, expertly balancing both plates between her hands as well as the soda, sort or hesitates beside the table as Ain deep throat’s that straw in front of god and everyone. Even Wolfwood, as collected as he’s managed to be so far, can’t help the way his jaw drops. This guy has no gag reflex. He’s just doing this in PUBLIC.

He manages to remember to close his mouth as she politely sets their plates down a moment later, prompting him to sit back and immediately snatch a fry off his own plate.]

W-well. It’s about to be better.

[He shoves the fry into Ain’s milkshake, gives it a good dunk, then pulls it back out and eats it. He settles back against the booth again with a nod towards his shake, still more ice cream than milk.]

Go on. Try it.

[eidxiety]

[This waitress rly out here like "just guys bein guys" because this is probably not the first time today she's seen people doing this, but like. Ain is giving Wolfwood gay alarm, clearly.

No, he does not have a gag reflex. He has pretty freckles all over his skin, in patches that aren't visible under his clothes too, and soft pink lips, and now he's licking whipped cream off of the tip of his finger as Wolfwood dunks his fries into the drink. Wolfwood has his work cut out for him with this one.]

...seems a little strange, but alright. [Shut up caviar-eating rich boy good god. Either way, Ain picks up a fry and sticks it into the pool of melting strawberry ice cream, gives it a cursory glance, and then pops it into his mouth. He chews, contemplative... does it again. He'll be three fries in by the time he chirps,] It's good! Haha!

[lupusxylem]

[Wolfwood likes to think he has a pretty strong and accurate gaydar, and Ain is setting it off badly. If he were at gunpoint and forced to make a choice, he’d say that Ain is gay, just deeply closeted. There’s one way to find out, but. Hm.

Well, at least he enjoyed the fry thing. He figured he would, since he likes sweet things. Just don’t mind him stealing more of your shake with his own fries Ain, this is an indirect kiss dwbi-]

I told you.

[He’s going to go for his burger now though, make sure you don’t fill up on that shake Ain.]

So…Ain, right?

[It’s his first time saying his name.]

What’s your deal, huh? What do you do?

[Do you have a girlfriend-]

[eidxiety]

Yeah, Ain.

[No last name you don't get a last name he doesn't want these rough southsiders to turn on him.]

I do... a lot, I guess. I'm a doctor, but I'm still in residency, and I'll be in residency for another five years. But I have authorization to do most things anyway. [You know, because how do you learn if you can't do.] My eldest brother owns the practice, so my residency is under him. We're about seven years apart, so it's not really a case of taking over his practice when he retires in the far future, but more that I was inspired by his career choice as a teenager, I guess?

[Ain tends to want to do the things the people close to him are doing. The fact that he picked up doctoring because his brother did it first is unsurprising; the fact that he wound up liking helping people in the end speaks more to Ain's character.]

I kind of want to go into work at a hospital instead of a private practice, but I'm going to try to finish my residency first. Otherwise, I work as a priest, too, and I told you already I sing in the church choir. Um... I like gardening and reading books. I want to learn how to play the guitar... I think that's it. I feel like I don't really do anything outside of those things, haha.

[lupusxylem]

You're a doctor? I never woulda' guessed.

[It seems to track for Ain, though. He's kind and personable, all things a doctor should be. The fact he's also a priest just kindof makes sense too, thinking on it. The guy's hella religious, he's pegged him for that by now.]

I'm a priest too, actually. But more than that, I'm an Undertaker. You probably won't have seen me unless you've had a death in the family recently.

[Because in this AU, it's not just a lie or a cover, he does do this. He's licensed and everything.]

But, yaknow...it's my job to be the religious figure that steps in when someone's passed, pray over them and with the family, you know. Then I bring them to the morgue once the coroner's checked 'em over.

[Good dinner conversation. He takes another bite of his burger, the yolk running down the side and onto the plate.]

I don't really have any hobbies like that, except for my bike maybe.

[eidxiety]

Yeah, and with the rate I'm going at, I might be able to open my own practice just before I turn 30. But, like I said, I'd rather just work at a hospital. Our clinic only sees patients as a general practitioner, and I want to move on to greater stuff, like being able to fix broken bones. I haven't decided about surgery, haha.

[Yes, it is a lovely conversation to have over dinner. Ain stuffs his face with his burger as Wolfwood talks. The bacon is salty as hell, but it's... it's good. He thinks this is actually really good. And he does not make an ass of himself by eating it with a fork and knife, because those were not provided and he saw Wolfwood just wholesale pick his up, so. Here Ain is.]

Mr. Priest... [Here we fuckin go again.] Or Mr. Undertaker. Haha, maybe in the future, we'd have a good business partnership between us? [oh yeah definitely just that mmhmmm] Mm, I guess I'd have to open my own place though, huh. Lame.

[Ain doesn't want to be the person that manages the funds and the patients, he'd go insane. Fuck that noise. "You own the practice" yeah bye.]

When you say bike, do you mean a bicycle or a motorbike?

[lupusxylem]

Theoretically. I'm not really the guy you want to be seeing though, am I?

[Haha. This is both figurative and literal.

Also thank you for eating this burger with your hands as god intended, otherwise the entire diner would have been staring at them weirdly.]

We'd probably still see each other even if you didn't own the business. Just not as much.

[Munch munch. He quirks a brow when Ain presses for clarification.]

It's a motorbike. You ever ridden on one?

[eidxiety]

No. Isn't it dangerous?

[Mom says motorcycles cause a lot of death because the people who drive them are dangerous gangsters of no real refinement. They kill civilians for fun and love to cause car crashes in the name of Satan. Sin. Sin sin sin sin sin, is all his mother is on about.]

Like, if you crash in one, that's pretty much it, right? [He doesn't want to tell Wolfwood that he's not being very Godly driving one of those death machines, but...] You're being safe, aren't you? You're not speeding? You're not jumping over dumpsters??

[Ain what kind of stunt driver bullshit have you been watching hello]

[lupusxylem]

[Oh Ain. You poor, sweet summer child.]

They can be. But that's why you gotta wear helmets, and leather.

[Sort of. Gestures to himself.]

It keeps you from getting cheese-grated on the pavement if you did fall off the bike. Otherwise though it's no more dangerous than driving a car, really.

[He........does not answer if he speeds. Because yes he speeds.]

[eidxiety]

Oh...

[So THAT'S why you're dressed like a punk right now, Wolfwood. You're not a greaser... you're just being safe. Ain understands everything.]

So, your motorcycle is your hobby, then? Do you paint it? Or do you do mechanic work? Both? I don't know anything about that sort of thing, haha. Machinery isn't really my forte.

[lupusxylem]

I do...a little bit of tinkering on her, yeah.

[Her...?]

It'd be way too expensive if I took her to the shop every time I needed something done. She's been painted yeah, but she's just like...black, so it's nothing fancy or anything.

[eidxiety]

[Her. Ain grins from behind his burger. Maybe Wolfwood will see it over the bun.]

You're definitely a car guy, haha. What's her name?

[Munch, munch, and he's polishing off that burger and turning his attention to the remainder of his fries and his shake. Wolfwood is probably going to discover very quickly that, when Ain isn't talking, he inhales food. Like the man is a goddamn black hole. He might want a sundae after he finishes this much, unknown, he'll decide in two minutes.]

[lupusxylem]

[Listen at least his car isn't a guy. Then Ain might be scared off-]

Angelina. Took me like half a year's worth of paychecks to save up for her. Maybe if you're lucky I show her to you sometime.

[Also yeah, he's...starting to slowly catch on as Ain just devours his meal. Normally a milkshake with a whole burger and fries would be a lot for a normal person, but Ain is just packing it away like it's a black hole in there.]

[eidxiety]

I'd like to see, haha! I've never really bothered to look at them up close. You sound like you really love her.

[And Ain, for some reason, he's not sure why — he leans back against the booth and grabs his milkshake and makes a casual comment:]

We're talking about her like she's a real girl, haha.

[Like. Minus the "I bought her" and the "I've never seen one up close" and "I do mechanic work sometimes", you know. More the latter bits. Ain's not sure why he says it anyway; he's clearly channelling one of his brothers and all of his teasing comments about girls. Skirt-chasing, but in a Catholic way.

Ain has never really looked at a girl, so maybe "I've never seen one up close" still sort of applies.]

[lupusxylem]

Kindof. Why, you jealous?

[Wolfwood...maybe jumps on this opportunity a little TOO eagerly. Most would call it casual conversation, I call it being ragingly gay and trying to test the waters. How is his gaydar doing...]

Girls are always talking about how they want to marry rich, or marry a doctor, though. I'm sure you've already got a girlfriend.

[eidxiety]

[It's normal for guys to talk about their girlfriends. Ain... didn't go to public school... where that usually happens... but he's heard it in the streets growing up from before Ishmael controlled half of the fucking city and rather was relegated to a tiny city block as an inconsequential cult leader (or rather, at the time as far as Ain's bias window heard it, the Ishmaels were "an insignificant religious family"). He is well aware that they are now a mafia family, but he thinks they're the good guys because of all the good work they do for the people.

Ain's worldview is coloured only in blacks and whites, clearly. Like, yeah, mafias are going to do good for the surrounding community in certain ways, otherwise they move on from "mafia" to "comic book supervillain organization", and how do you get more mafia members if you don't convince the people of your cause anyway? The Ishmael Family are the "white" to the world's "black" as far as Ain is concerned.

Anyway, back to the point: Ain has heard this is a normal male conversation to have. It does not stop his face from getting a little red, and suddenly he looks down into the mess of half-melted whipped cream in his glass.]

I don't. My brothers harp on me a lot for it. I'm sure there's... some girl out there for me. [lol] Probably, maybe. Haha, it's a little embarrassing to talk about, but I've never even gone steady with a girl before. I went to an all-boys Catholic school [oh honey] and between you and me, a lot of the boys liked to sneak off to the all-girls school next door and chase skirts, but I was never like that.

[Looks up. Makes direct eye contact with Wolfwood's titties... looks back down into his glass. Ain shrugs a shoulder.]

I'm twenty-three. I have time. Besides, dating while I'm in school always sounded like too much work, moreso now that I'm doing my residency.

[How many excuses can he come up with as to why he's never even thought about kissing a girl, one wonders...]

[lupusxylem]

[I don't, he says, but...he also spouts everything a straight guy might say. Talking about how there's a girl out there for him probably, even if he's never gone steady. He went to an all boys school and never chased skirts because he was a good Christian boy...

...

There's half of him that feels weirdly disappointed (why? why does he care. he doesn't care) and another half that feels...like he knows something Ain doesn't know.

Whatever the case, the fact he hasn't and isn't dating anyone isn't exactly abnormal. It's not like Wolfwood is either...he reaches out to use his straw to stir his drink a bit, watching as the bubbles rush up to the surface.]

It's not like you gotta rush into that anyway. That's a sure fire way to land yourself in a loveless marriage.

[Where you hold hands until marriage and then have missionary sex only Once for the purpose of having children and not for pleasure.]

Is that even something you want? Cause it's fine to be more focused on your work.

[eidxiety]

[Ain has no idea about things right now. But his gaze lingers on Wolfwood a little bit too long for him to actually be straight. It's not so much an act as it is blissful ignorance. He was the type of boy growing up who couldn't stand changing in public locker rooms during gym class; he'd lock himself in the bathroom between periods and change there. Something about being half-naked in front of other guys was just...

Ain looks Pointedly at the wall.]

This is gonna sound really shallow. I've never really seen a girl who caught my eye before. I mean — don't get me wrong, Audrey Hepburn is pretty, but I dunno.

[Audrey Hepburn. One of the most gorgeous actresses of their time. That's who he names first, because that's the Straight Male Answer.]

Everyone goes on about her, for example, but if I saw her walking down the street, I don't think my head would turn much?

[The man is gay. Wolfwood, the man is so deep in the closet he's suffocating.]

[lupusxylem]

[...ooookay yeah. Yeah.

Wolfwood...sits back again in his booth, suddenly wishing he had a cigarette. This man is so deep in the closet that he doesn't realize he's even fucking there. Like, it doesn't do to generalize or make assumptions, but from his perspective? His gaydar is still working as intended.]

That ain't shallow. Looks don't mean everything. And even then...maybe there's just other things you're attracted to.

[He shrugs one shoulder, glancing off to the side.]

I'm not the kind of guy to ask about that. I'm not good with relationships, or...people.

[eidxiety]

[Ain's gaze shifts to Wolfwood again. He's staring at the cross around his neck, at the way the end of it dips into his collarbone, and he momentarily chews on his bottom lip before setting the glass up on the table.]

Is that right? You were nice enough to me, Mr. Priest. You convinced me to come back, after all. I think you're probably better with people than you give yourself credit for.

...

So, what're you attracted to, then? Do you know?

[lupusxylem]

Wh- me?

[Wait, what is he attracted to? Is he not assuming he's straight?? There's a moment where genuine panic flits across Wolfwood's expression, because while he knows he's gay...that doesn't mean he's out.

...but then, after a second to reflect, he realizes that isn't what Ain is asking. He's asking what, not who, and he's maybe made himself seem unnecessarily suspicious over nothing.

He huffs, ears blazing red as he shoves a fry into his mouth and looks over at the people dancing by the jukebox.]

I mean...I can tell when somebody's good looking, or whatever. But...you know. It's the personality that matters more, right?

[And whether they're a mannnnnnnnnnnnnnwoooman of the lord. Or not.

Yeah.]