[Closed] @eidxiety🐎🌹

[winterbolt]

Angelina is a black horse with white markings on her face in this sorry I can't picture her as being any other color-

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[eidxiety]

I see them every night when I'm on the road, but...

[He squeezes Wolfwood's bicep in his hands. God, he really wants to kiss this man, he really wants to keep him forever, he wants and wants and it's so unfair. They're not talking about the inevitable parting. Ain's convincing himself that he can make Wolfwood stay, despite the fact the next town isn't even that far away. They'll be on the road for one more day and one more night, and then by noon the following day, they'll be there.

Obviously if Ain tries harder, Wolfwood will stay. Wolfwood will want him and they'll get fake-married and it'll be glorious. Ain will stop his streak of crimes and get a real job and Wolfwood will keep doing his odd jobs (haha) and they'll be happy. Everything can be perfect if Ain just sinks his claws in until Wolfwood wants to stay.]

...it feels more special with you here. I don't know. I can't really explain it.

[He can explain it. He's just doing a horrible job.]

[lupusxylem]

[They’re both doing a horrible job, it would seem. One of them far worse than the other.

As Ain admits this to him, Wolfwood feels a deep gnawing in the pit of his chest. It’s an ache that started a while ago before only just now really making itself known. It’s a presence he can’t shake, one that grows heavier and less comfortable with each passing second.

He’s felt guilt before for his actions, be it while knowing what he was doing was wrong, or that he was hurting an innocent in doing it, or whatever else. But the guilt has never been quite as bad as it is right now, he thinks.

He should say something, to head Ain off, but he can’t find the words. Every time he tries he stops himself, too focused on the way Ain is practically clinging to his arm right now.]

Y…yeah. No, I…I think I know what you mean…

[eidxiety]

[Yeah how does guilt feel, Wolfwood, he's being so squishy and loving with you and you're gonna get him murdered—

Ain's snuggling doesn't abate. He's happy, he wants to cuddle, he's looking at the stars and at Wolfwood and feeling good, finally.]

I still want your old jacket. [He says, more as a side note than anything.] Y'know, since it smells like you.

[Squishes Wolfwood's arm again.]

...you sound like you wanna head back.

[lupusxylem]

[...]

Soon as we get back to the Inn, it's all yours.

[He figures that Ain might want to throw it away after they part and he gets captured, but...that's not going to be Wolfwood's problem anymore. Whatever makes him happy in the interim...that's what matters.

He nods though, inclining his head slightly as he glances back toward the town out of the corner of his eye.]

Prolly should. Unless you wanted to sleep out here with th'scorpions.

[eidxiety]

Haha, okay. Scorpions aren't dangerous if you don't provoke them, you know.

[But sure, they can go back. Ain holds onto Wolfwood's hand again with their fingers threaded, swinging their hands together as they head through the sand and dirt and back to town. The inn isn't too far from the town entrance, so they won't be out for much longer.]

...thank you. Tonight is a lot better than I thought it was going to be. We'll head out in the morning. I hope you're ready for more time on the road with me!

[lupusxylem]

[Hahahaha he wants to dieeeeeee

Wolfwood keeps his gaze staunchly straight ahead as they go, letting Ain swing their hands like they're a real couple or something. It makes his heart stick in his throat as they go, the toes of his cowboy boots digging furrows into the dirt with each step.]

Hah. You kiddin'? It'd be a shame if I wasn't used to you on the road by now.

[eidxiety]

I dunno, you've gone two days without listening to me make up songs on the road about cacti and buzzards and stuff. Are you sure?

[And then he laughs, because of course he does, he isn't the one bothered by their circumstances after all. Even as they enter the inn, Ain is still swinging their hands and looking chipper as hell.

They get to the room, and he takes the hat off and puts it on top of his bag, and then immediately gets into Wolfwood's things to steal his jacket. Ain doesn't immediately put it on, but rather also puts it with His things now. Stolen. :)

And then he strips down to his undies and flops into bed hi sorry he's slept naked every night this week so he might as well sleep naked now.]

[lupusxylem]

[His jacket is old. It's dirty. It's full of holes, burns, cuts and threadbare spots. It's practically in tatters compared to the new one, yet Ain treats it like it's pristine. He doesn't get it.

As Ain is getting undressed, Wolfwood beelines for the bathroom to have a minute alone. He takes a piss, stares at himself in the mirror for a long while after washing his hands and face, wonders yet again how he got to this point. He wonders, silently, if there's anything else he could do. If he were to abandon his mission and stay with Ain, he'd be putting both of them in danger. He'd have to admit to what he'd done eventually when the gang caught up with them, so he's not sure if that's better or worse. He could also simply steal away in the middle of the night to save Ain the trouble of dealing with him any longer. Or...simply let him go to the mountains. He could just run away and hope his gang never found him.

But none of those options are really that ideal, nor does he expect them to work.

...

He returns from the bathroom down to his boxers, tossing his clothes haphazardly near his things instead of bothering to fold them. They'll be going right back on his body in the morning, after all. From there, he climbs in bed alongside Ain...and wordlessly wraps his arms around him, pulling him to his front.

Wolfwood says nothing, just resting his chin on Ain's shoulder like a big dog.]

[eidxiety]

[Ain squeaks when he's pulled in. He's not expecting it, clearly, though he's swift to relax into the hold and bonk their heads together from this vantage point. Wolfwood is always so warm... he's like a weighted blanket.]

You're cute. And really sweet... I know I keep telling you I like when you're honest, but I really like when you're honest.

[HAHA... HA... ahem.]

[lupusxylem]

Yeah...I know.

[His response is quiet, his voice low and slightly muffled against the side of Ain's hair as he exhales heavily, trying to will himself to calm down. There's not a whole lot he can do about this feeling, awful and primal and gnawing in his gut, other than confess everything to Ain before it's too late and hope that maybe he'd forgive him. Even if he didn't, at least it would mean he's safe, after everything.

But if he's honest with himself, Ain is already wanted. He probably knows good and well his ass isn't safe anywhere.]

...m'sorry. 'Bout everythin'.

[eidxiety]

No, no, you don't have to be sorry. I should have been nicer with you while you were figuring things out... I shouldn't have pushed you.

[Squishes his face into Wolfwood's chest.]

...I like you. I want you to like me, too. That's why I was getting so hurt.

[lupusxylem]

[I like you too.

It's right there. It's so easy.

But how can he say that when everything he's done is built on a lie?

He tightens his grip around Ain a little, closing his eyes tight.]

You're...a great person. I don't really deserve you.

[As a friend? As a partner?]

But I woulda' continued livin' a lie if I hadn't met you.

[Well. More of a lie than he is now.]

[eidxiety]

Hehe...

[Ain giggles, half-awake at this point, but clearly he's giddy just hearing that. Not... As giddy as he would be if Wolfwood would have come out with a returned "I like you" or maybe even a stronger word at that, but it helps to hear that Wolfwood thinks highly of him. He's just one man, okay, Ain is out here trying his best.

He squishes Wolfwood up in a hug.]

...I just wanna cuddle with you tonight. I know I'm usually trying to get into your pants at any one moment, but I...

I want you to hold me all night instead, haha... Is that okay?

[lupusxylem]

...yeah. That's fine with me. I'm still kinda hungover, so. Prolly for the best.

[Hungover and not in the mood because of reasons, but he's not going to tell him that.

Instead? He grabs at the sheets to pull them more securely over the two of them, his arms wrapped around Ain in a sleepy embrace that he's never offered him before.

At least tonight, they can just cuddle. If Ain wants to cuddle, he is getting Fucking Cuddlled.]

I got you.

[eidxiety]

[Warm... Safe.

God, Ain's really feeling it now.]

Okay.

[There's silence for a moment, and then Ain lifts his head up and places a sweet, delicate kiss on Wolfwood's lips. A goodnight kiss, almost, but... But more. There's emotion behind it that Ain isn't giving voice to, holding onto Wolfwood as his eyes drift shut.]

Goodnight, Nick. We'll leave in the morning. ...sleep well, okay?

[lupusxylem]

[Ain is feeling warm, safe, and happy.

Wolfwood, meanwhile, hurts. He feels like he doesn't deserve any of it as he curls up in that warmth with Ain, keeping his eyes shut so he can maybe wake up from this nightmare already.]

Mmmhm. You too.

[...]

Night.

[Hopefully Ain gets more sleep than he does.]

[eidxiety]

[Ain sleeps like the dead, thanks. Turns out when he is very happy he gets good sleep, like a cat. And when he is very not happy he doesn't sleep. Good thing Wolfwood is getting lovestruck Ain, surely that won't bite him in the ass—

In the morning, Ain wakes first, shaking Wolfwood awake so they can go bathe and get ready to hit the road. There will not be showers on the way to the next town, after all. They dress, Ain puts on Wolfwood's coat and hat, and then they go to hitch the horses to their wagon. Supplies will be purchased on the opposite end of town, not that they need much and not that Ain is actually buying them oops. This town is good; he probably could've stayed another week or two before word spread and people were looking for his ass here. Oh well.

With that all settled and the map glanced at, Ain announces that they've got another day and a half on the road, and off they go, with him driving the first leg of it. Honestly, the wagon was a real nice steal. Ain's glad he's so economical about theft.

And yes, he will sing the entire journey.]

[lupusxylem]

[Ain sleeps well. Like the dead, even. They've completely swapped positions in that regard, because Wolfwood isn't sure he gets much sleep at all. He lays awake stressing about the day ahead of them, about what to do...and the worst part is that he's still clueless by the time he wakes with Ain's urging the next morning. He's distracted as they bathe, distracted when they dress and get the horses hitched up, distracted when they grab their supplies. He's furiously turning the situation over and over in his head, desperate for a solution that will save everything and make it all alright.

But he can't come up with one. He's not clever enough, or maybe he's just that stupid that he thought this would turn out in any way but disastrous. Even if he keeps Ain's location a secret, that doesn't mean this isn't going to end with Ain resenting him for leaving.

And that- he's slowly realizing- really, really sucks.

So they travel for the first leg in relative silence, other than the sound of Ain singing at the top of his lungs. It's only when they stop by a river for a break and to water the horses does Wolfwood volunteer to drive the rest of the way himself, urging Ain to sleep for a while in the wagon. It's five hours or so to town from here...just rest.

At least then, by the time they make it to town it will be early the next morning, and he will have had...a lot of time to think.]

[eidxiety]

[And of course Ain asks "what, aren't you going to miss my singing?" all playful and happy when Wolfwood says he'll drive, but the break is appreciated and Ain does spend the rest of the time either humming from within the wagon, or just straight up asleep. Wolfwood is lucky that Elria listens to him, for as antsy as he's being. She can smell fear.

Regardless, in town they do arrive. This one is much smaller, almost more of an outpost than anything. It has a single inn, a single saloon and no restaurant, and a couple other buildings. Everything else is housing and farmland. They're selling livestock here, too, and Ain figures this is where the other town sources their livestock from. There's enough space for Wolfwood and his gang to hide out if they wanted to, enough space for the wagon to be parked at the inn, and that's about it.

Ain, naturally, still doesn't think Wolfwood's going to leave. He just cheerfully parks at the inn and starts conveniently unstrapping Angelina from the wagon.]

We could push on to the mountains from here, but they're still a long way off. Four more days, I think. We can at least take a small break before we head out. The farm probably has produce it can sell us.

[lupusxylem]

[What a small town. It really does seem more like a stop-off than anything...definitely the kind of place his gang would linger at, because it would be easy to slip through unnoticed. He wonders if there's anything else worth seeing here...other than the farm, he guesses.

He feels that last thread of finality break and force the reality to set in as he watches Ain unstrap Angelina, which prompts Wolfwood to walk over and rub a hand over her nose where the larger bridle had been sitting all day. Then, he takes her over to the Inn to stable her himself, despite knowing she won't be here for more than a couple hours, at most.

Does he tell him now? Later?]

How long you plan on stayin'?

[eidxiety]

I dunno. I wanted to sell some of this jewelry off at the pawn shop there before we left. Money for the road and all, haha.

[Elria will also be stabled for now. The pawn shop is literally a stone's throw down the road, and Ain already has all of the jewelry other than the peridot necklace he liked clutched in his hands. Which is... y'know, ten rings and like a dozen real metal bangle bracelets. He's normal.]

The pawn shop person will probably be weirded out by this much. I'm gonna say it was my grandma's stuff and we're just travelling to settle elsewhere since she's passed.

[lupusxylem]

["We" "Us"

....]

'Kay. Let's get your stuff pawned first. Then we can go to the farm and see if they got somethin' fresh for lunch.

[Then he'll tell him, he thinks.]

[eidxiety]

[Yeah Wolfwood this is what you get for leading him on! Use your big boy words next time.]

It looks so cute! [Ain says about the farm as they cross the street. He does not look overly feminine today, he's bare faced because they were travelling and he was not going to do makeup for a town they aren't even staying in, so they're going to have to stay the mandatory distance apart so that they aren't questioned. That's fine, though, this is just a little stop.] I bet they'll have something. I wonder if they can make a berry cobbler, though...

[He is so chipper and Wolfwood is about to crush him. He doesn't know, and instead heads into the pawn shop to talk to the old man at the counter. Ain goes on the whole grandma's dead spiel and the man looks sympathetic because like, why would someone lie about their dead grandma and selling her jewellery, that shit doesn't come easy, and after he spends half an hour checking it all out he determines that most of the stones are fake but the metal used is absolutely not. It's not as much money as Ain would've liked to make, but it's a pretty significant chunk of change that the average man simply wouldn't have these days.

Ain, who loves money and having it, pockets this easily and thanks the old pawn shop owner before they spin around and head to the farm. There's a little building in the front of it where who Ain supposes is the farmhand's son is running shop, selling things like bags of feed and bridles and all the things you would need to keep livestock or horses happy. To Ain's eyes, it looks like the homestead itself is waaaaaaaay in the back of the fields, which makes sense.

There's a short discussion, and Ain says "we're travellers and we just wanted something to eat, if you have any fresh produce" and the farmhand says oh yeah, my ma's got stuff she wants t' sell off if yer hankerin', and Ain says that would be great thanks. And then this boy says "there's also a young horse she's tryna sell, 'bout two years old and calm as a butterfly" and Ain says he'll think about it thanks.

That boy will be back with food (all fruits and vegetables, mind, and a lot of it in a crate for the wagon which Ain says "Oh I'd better run back and pull the horses around after this" and the boy says "oh sure I'll hold it all fer ya til yer back"), but Ain does indeed get his berry cobbler. This is not breakfast nor lunch, this is snack, but you take what you can get in these parts.

Ain eats, presumably Wolfwood also eats, and then there's the cursory "be right back" because they gotta go get the wagon. Ain is not carrying those crates back no sir.]

[lupusxylem]

[He waited for the worst possible time to do this.

Right as they'd need the wagon. The wagon pulled by two horses, not one. One of the two is not going to be here much longer.

So as they head back towards the Inn from the farm, the food they ate sits heavy like a rock in the pit of Wolfwood's stomach. He couldn't enjoy the little farm, or the scenery, or lunch with Ain at all. All he could do was stress over what was coming next.

He fidgets with his lighter in his pocket, just for something to keep his hands occupied. The Inn looms far faster than he'd like, and that's when he decides to finally just bite the bullet as they approach it, walking with Ain over to an awning on the side of the Inn so they can stand for a moment out of the sun.]

Ain. Look, I...

[He shifts his weight from one foot to the other before pulling his hat from his head.]

M'sorry I didn't say nothin' sooner. I didn't wanna ruin your time on the road or nothin', but I- ...I ain't comin' with you.

[eidxiety]

[Hey Wolfwood, have you ever seen a man go from bright and sunshiney and joyful to looking crestfallen within a single second? No? Well congratulations because that is Exactly how Ain looks, like his heart was just stepped on underneath Wolfwood's boot.]

Um... but I thought...

[No, logically he knew Wolfwood wanted to part here, and he's known it. But he thought that, after the nice time they had, Wolfwood would change his mind, or at least tell whoever he accepted a job from or his friend here or whatever that he had something else to take care of.

But of course not. Wolfwood wouldn't even return an "I like you" last night, so why would Ain expect things to change now?]

...why? I thought you... I thought we...