[Closed] @eidxiety🐎🌹

[winterbolt]

Angelina is a black horse with white markings on her face in this sorry I can't picture her as being any other color-

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[lupusxylem]

[Ain isn’t wrong. He’s pretty stupid sometimes when it comes to people. But he’s also a bandit, which means he’s learned to catch peoples’ tells. Subtle signs that they’re feeling a certain way.

And anyone with half a brain that has been paying attention can tell Ain is acting strange. He’s been weirdly quiet, he’s not annoying right now which is immediate cause for concern, etc etc.

Finally, with some difficulty, Wolfwood forces himself to sit forward, grabbing at the pillow behind him so he can lean against it. He’ll also grab a piece of bacon to nibble on while they talk.]

Hah…have I fooled you into likin’ me after all?

[eidxiety]

Sure... if you want to call it being fooled, that's fine.

[Well. At the end of the day, that's sort of what it is. Seduce the whore, get him to drop his guard, earn his trust, throw him in prison to rot. Or let the gang get to him first, since Wolfwood is a little below the law.]

I barely know your name. You sort of babbled it out at me while drunk the first night we spent together. Nick or Nicholas or something about wolves or something, I don't know. I realise I don't really know you, but I'm trying to.

[lupusxylem]

[Honestly, if the gang has their way, it will be the other way around. Wolfwood is the one who is starting to have cold feet about the whole thing…just not yet enough to stop him. He knows that if he were to defect, his own punishment would be far, far worse.

The question then remains: who does he care about more?

Ain’s words leave him stunned silent. Like…what is he supposed to say to that? Ain is not genuine. He’s not supposed to BE genuine. He’s supposed to be a fake whore who is using him for his money, like he did with the boss.

What gives? Why is he playing the long game?]

…It’s Wolfwood. Nicholas D. Wolfwood.

But…you can call me Nick, since you have been.

[Which is a rarity.]

[eidxiety]

Oh, good, because I don't feel like stopping any time soon. Your name really rolls off the tongue, you know.

[As usual, Ain has eaten very quickly... it helps that he hasn't been talking too much, except where necessary. This is definitely the long game to Wolfwood, who expects this sort of behaviour from a thieving whore, but to Ain? It's all very real. He's trying not to come on too strongly. There's no "I think you like me too", there's merely insecurities he's trying so hard to keep at bay. Insecurities that, frankly, are well-warranted.

Ugh, he needs to meet an actual gay.]

Since we're sharing... "Ainchase Ishmael" is my full name. I don't use it. I don't want to use it. But my mother was a pretty important public figure in my home town thousands of miles from here, and I'm always worried someone will finally realise where her "long lost son" wandered off to.

[lupusxylem]

Ainchase Ishmael, huh? That don't roll off the tongue, at all.

[Guess it's better then, that Ain doesn't want him to use it.

He leans back a little further against the cushions, popping some more of the bacon into his mouth.]

Well. I like Ain better anyway.

[eidxiety]

I hope so.

[.......

Looks off to the side again. Swirls his fork through a pool of leftover syrup.]

Do you like just the name, I wonder...? Or do you like the person who wears it?

[lupusxylem]

[Okay yeah he's definitely being led somewhere with this conversation, but unfortunately for Ain he hasn't reached the point of his arc that will allow him to say he likes him back. He hasn't even accepted the fact he's gay, which. Come on, we all know it at this point, even Wolfwood himself.

His expression tightens, and for a moment he looks away, trying to come up with a way to answer.]

You're alright. Like I said, you ain't as annoyin' as I first thought.

[eidxiety]

Just "alright", huh...

[Since he's done with his to-go breakfast... lunch... he supposes it's brunch, whatever, he's putting the box on the opposite nightstand.]

...you're "alright" too. I would have thought that the last three days would've been more arduous, since I usually journey alone, but they've been nice. I never thought...

[That he'd like someone as much as he likes Wolfwood? Ugh, shut up, brain, you don't actually know him, you're never going to know him, he doesn't want you. He's literally saying that right now in different words.]

...I'm going to go check on the horses. Brush 'em and stuff. I'll be back.

[He has to go run from his feelings.]

[lupusxylem]

[Just alright. At least, that's all he can make himself say. It's not how he really feels, if he looks at himself and asks the question honestly. He's back to being dishonest, which Ain has already told him time and again that he doesn't like.

But he doesn't try to cover for himself, or say anything else as Ain suddenly darts from the room to go check on the horses in a thinly veiled attempt to be alone for a while. Wolfwood, meanwhile, groans and drops his head back against the pillows again, staring blearily up at the ceiling.]

...what am I gonna do.

[Maybe he could just...run away? It's not like the gang would ever know where he went. They could hunt him down, maybe, but would they be able to easily find him if he wanted to disappear?

Meanwhile, out in the Inn stables, the horses are happy to finally see a familiar face. Angelina, despite not being Ain's horse, comes right up to the gate and tries to nibble on Ain's hair. Hi :)]

[eidxiety]

[Wolfwood is gonna be alone for a bit, so hopefully he doesn't die or something. Ain is purposely taking his sweet ass time with the horses. They don't need to be brushed that badly, but here he is giving both of them the full spa experience. He doesn't know what else to do; if he doesn't keep himself busy, he will get trapped further in his own thoughts, and then he won't be able to do anything at all. Ain is a very sad little man right now.

If he cries while he's trying to tend to the horses, no he doesn't, shut up. He's fine. He's coping like a normal adult.

Anyway, taking care of two horses (trimming their hooves, new shoes, brushie brushie) takes two hours. There's still time left in the day because that means it's only like, 1pm, and Ain doesn't want to see Wolfwood so early. He thinks he'll just blow up instead. So—

He scopes out the rest of town. What's within an hour's walking distance, anyway. This place is so large that at a certain point, the streets open up to accommodate full wagons and aren't just thoroughfares for a single horse or two. It's a nice place. Ain could see himself getting into a lot of trouble here.

Which... Yeah, he does, but the sheriff doesn't know. By the time he comes back to the inn, it's dinnertime, he has dinner in his hands, and he's basically learnt where all the cool stuff is. Also he stole a lot. He has six bangle bracelets on his left wrist and three on the right, and a set of earrings, and three more coinpurses...

He steals thrice as much as usual when he's distressed.

Here have your stupid fucking steak and potatoes asshole. At least he didn't steal those.]

[lupusxylem]

[I signed up for this drama and am gobbling it up but boy I also wanna punch Wolfwood in the face for making my baby cry I swear to god-

Wolfwood goes back to sleep pretty much the instant Ain leaves. He feels like death warmed over, so he needs a Fucking Nap. It's a nap that is uninterrupted even though it's not super deserved given how he's behaving, no dreams, no thoughts. He just simply dies for a couple hours.

When he wakes up feeling a little better- less like the room is spinning, at least- and realizes Ain is still gone...he briefly feels a twinge of worry in the back of his mind. Is it possible Ain skipped town? Surely not. He looks over the room to see that his things are still there, he didn't swipe everything that wasn't nailed down and left. Why he's been gone this long, though, Wolfwood can only guess.

It gives him a lot of time to think. A lot of time to second guess himself, as well as drag himself out of bed just long enough to shower and climb back into it. By the time Ain does return, he'll find Wolfwood looking a bit less pale than he did this morning, but more than that...

He looks. Concerned? It's hard to see if you haven't been around him like Ain has, but there's definitely a worried sort of pinch to his brow.]

Did you give the horses a perm?

[eidxiety]

Trimmed hooves, brushed and cleaned, and then I went out to check out the rest of the town since I won't be able to otherwise due to babysitting.

[Oops he's mad now it seems. Mostly it's at himself and the circumstances and how pathetic this whole thing is.]

I got you food. Don't thank me or anything.

[And he got himself jewelry he hardly even wants and moneyyyyy which he does want. That's going into his bag, thanks. The jewelry can at least be pawned off or traded, so there's that, but Ain's having that moment of clarity like "why did I steal this".]

[lupusxylem]

[...

Wolfwood can tell. It's made the atmosphere between them highly awkward, and even more tense than it was this morning. Mmm.

He shouldn't really care. He could just tell Ain to fuck off, but the words won't come. Don't want to come.

Instead, Wolfwood leans over the edge of the bed just a little, picking up something off the bedside table. He'll toss it onto the bed next to Ain.]

...I went downstairs to get some more soap. To take a shower earlier. They had a bunch of this...fancy lavender soap that wasn't in our room.

[Because, you know, poor. They didn't pay for the Good(er) shit.]

I figured you might like it, so. I stole a bunch for you.

[eidxiety]

[...oh.

Oh...

Ain takes the bundle and opens it and takes a sniff. He looks touched, which is a bad sign when he's literally telling himself to stop wanting Wolfwood in any capacity. The bundle of soaps gets closed up and wordlessly put into his bag with his clothes.

He sits down on the edge of the bed with his own portion of dinner after that.]

...why?

[lupusxylem]

You've been babysittin'.

[He says, wryly. Then he glances down into his lap, unable to quite meet Ain's gaze.]

...I dunno. Just felt like it.

[Like, he can tell he's pissed Ain off, but he for once isn't putting that to voice between them. He can be tactful sometimes. Sometimes.]

[eidxiety]

...

[Puts the tines of his fork between his teeth so he can bite them before he sticks his foot in his fucking mouth.]

Thanks. I like them. I didn't know this place had any, since I was so tired when we came in.

[Hoo. He takes a deep breath, thinking to himself that a change of topic is in order.]

...the horses are doing well. They were excited to see me. Angelina held still while I trimmed her hooves and gave her new shoes. I was sort of surprised, since she's usually pretty wiggly.

[lupusxylem]

[Probably for the best. Wolfwood is just glad that it seems like the peace offering has helped mitigate some of the tension between them, if only just a little bit. Ain is still...not fully there, he can tell.]

Yeah? I mean, I ain't surprised. I think she likes you more than me, and I pretty much hand reared her ungrateful ass.

[He bottle fed that horse, and she immediately liked Ain more. Meanwhile, when she was a filly she kicked him more times than he can count, if that gives you any indication.]

Nice of ya to do all that.

[eidxiety]

Well, someone has to. I won't pay a stablehand to do it when I know how to do it myself, and who knows how Angelina will react to a stranger doing that anyway. I dunno, they deserved some brushing after hauling that whole wagon for two days.

[...he's not all there, no, but that doesn't stop him from wanting to lean on Wolfwood while they eat. Stupid... he doesn't want you, just give up!!]

Besides, then they'll be ready for tomorrow. [Munch.] And... speaking of...

Did you want me to give you space tonight? I can get another room.

[But if the answer is yes, there's no saying if Ain really will stay or if he'll just head off in the middle of the night.]

[lupusxylem]

[Angelina would have kicked anybody else who tried, full stop. At least a higher likelihood of someone who isn't a professional and used to horses trying to kick them, anyway.

Tomorrow's the second leg of the journey. Tomorrow's when they part. So why would that have anything to do with them having separate rooms? Wolfwood isn't drunk, but he wasn't drunk on the wagon trip either. He wasn't drunk when Ain fucked him until he cried about it.

...]

No. You can-

[He pauses, chewing on the inside of his mouth.]

I want'ya to stay here.

[eidxiety]

[...oh noooo why would you SAY THAT ugh ugh ugh.

Ain's cheeks start to burn again, this time all the way to the tips of his ears, and he looks both sad and relieved at the same time, somefuckinghow.]

Oh. ...I want to, too, but I didn't know if you wanted me to, since I'm just "alright".

[mrhgghghg he has feelings!! He has so many feelings this is so stupid he wants less feelings.]

[lupusxylem]

[...okay, now some of it is starting to trickle through his dumb skull. Kindof dramatic for someone to get this upset over being called "alright", when Wolfwood was really just deflecting to avoid saying something more damning like "yeah I like you".

It flusters him. He's flustered, and for a moment he stumbles as he tries to think of what to even say.]

S'that why you're mad at me? Cause I didn't mean to upset you. I just. ...shit, I dunno.

[He shucks a hand roughly through his hair, hissing in a breath.]

I ain't good at words.

[eidxiety]

...

[Sigh. He wanted to have this conversation Never because he's pretty sure Wolfwood is not going to take it well, but fine! Fine.]

I'm not mad about that... necessarily. What I'm mad about is the fact that you're only ever nice and affectionate with me when you're drunk. You don't do it when you're sober like this. And I know we're not... we're just sleeping together, but it's pretty rough to only be wanted when you can't tell your ass from your elbow.

[So there you go. There's... half of it.]

[lupusxylem]

[...oh. So that's it, then.

There's...a lot he doesn't remember from last night, but what he does remember is that he was a lot more touchy and open to affection than he would have been sober. The only caveat to that was their wagon trip, which...well, the rest of the trip to the first town was awkward, so it kindof makes sense Ain would be feeling this way. Wolfwood is less seducing Ain into a trap anymore and more just leading him on, which is kindof shitty?

Ugh. He looks pensive, his hands tensing into fists before relaxing in his lap a couple of times.]

M'sorry.

[That's a start. An apology is something rarely ever heard from the guy while sober, so...]

I didn't mean to make it seem like I don't wanna be around you. Like...if that were true, I wouldn't be here right now. You've been...real tolerant of my bullshit. More than most would be.

[He fidgets with the edge of the bedsheets.]

I'm not really a nice person, Ain. I'm not "nice" to people usually. But I'm...tryin'. To do better.

[eidxiety]

[And yet the wagon trip was still not as physically touchy as Ain would've liked since he continues to do 90% of the work here, but that's fine, it's fine. They had fun. Ain is just being weird about this because he's pining, and he knows he's pining, and he's trying to pretend he's not pining.

He's fucking pining.]

You keep saying that. But I'm not a nice person either. I steal wallets and pilfer jewellery for a living, for God's sake. I think you're fine, I just...

[And then he presses his face into Wolfwood's shoulder and makes a "mrrrghghrhghrhg" type noise. Or a groan, if you want to get technical.]

...I know you're trying. But I miss the affection when you're not giving it to me, badly at that. And I think you're not listening to what I'm telling you, [ain you don't even fully say it right,] when I tell you things like you're not paying, and that I like you, and that I want you to be more affectionate when you don't have four glasses of whiskey in your system.

[lupusxylem]

[But he IS a bad person, his brain argues. Not that Ain could know that Wolfwood is a robber who has stolen from wagons, held up and held people hostage, burnt buildings to the ground…he’s not just some petty thief. He’s certain if he had a bounty, it would be as large as Ain’s if not worse.

But…there is something in all of that, everything Ain admits right then, that gives Wolfwood an out. And it’s not an easy pill to swallow, nor is it something he wanted to ever talk about because suddenly it’s not about the secrets or lies, that he can handle.

It’s about him. It’s about…]

Ain. I’m not. Yaknow I’m not-

[Gay.

He’s not gay.

He’s not…

He stops there. The words don’t come because if he were to say them he’d be lying, and for once it’s a lie that feels like ash in his mouth. His eyes dart like he’s trying to pull an excuse out of thin air but he can’t. Instead, he just looks like he might burst into tears any second, holding himself behind a stone faced wall through sheer determination alone despite the way his eyes glass over.]