dachsbuns | [Closed] @eidxiety🐎🌹

[Listen. Androgynous women also exist, and it's still straight to fuck one, ain't no one gonna question it. Unless you're also a girl. And then that's gay as fuck.

Anyway, Ain sits with his legs crossed under the table, nice and fruity, and obviously no REAL MAN would cross his legs like this so Obviously that is a woman and not the most Gender man you've ever seen in your life.]

Once... mm, two days ago, when I first arrived. It was the first place I stopped off at because it was getting late and I was hungry from travelling.

[The menu is pretty simple: meat and potatoes, veggie dishes, soups, stuff like that. This place is leaning a little into the French cuisine side of the old west, and while it isn't fancy, there's stuff Ain can't even pronounce on there. Good signs. He will order something he can say the name of so he doesn't sound like he's choking because French is like that.]

I did really like the steak. I might get that again, since I'll need to have a little energy for tomorrow.

Yeah? I'll prolly get that too, then. Ain't often you get to have steak.

[Especially not a good one. It will be expensive, sure, but Wolfwood is a man who loves his meat (lol). He'll also be ordering beer against his better judgement despite what ended up happening the night prior, it's fine they're not planning on spending the night tonight together or anything. Just the subsequent who-knows-how-many nights on the road together. It's different.

It becomes clear just how people are seeing them when their waitress comes by to take their orders, letting Wolfwood take his before turning to Ain and saying completely innocently "And for you, ma'am?". Ain is very pretty, clearly.]

[Good, it's working. Ain doesn't mind being seen as a Pretty Woman if it a) gets people off his back and b) gets people off of Wolfwood's back. He has that advantage over some of the burlier gay guys. If the patriarchy finds out he can shapeshift, they're going to tell the church—

Ain completely innocently answers back that he would like to have a steak as well, please and thank you miss, and could he get a glass of wine? And she's like yes of course sweetheart and there she goes. Burly men don't drink WINE they drink BEER. Ain wants his smashed grapes please.

They totally won't end up in bed together, nope.]

If there's one thing a tiny town like this has going for it, it's the food in this particular joint. I'm not too picky about food, but I do like it when it's actually tasty and not whatever over-salted mess they serve at the saloon.

Over-salted? Says the guy who was having his fill of the peanuts earlier.

[Wolfwood retorts, shaking his head a little as he picks up his glass once their drinks are brought over, taking a swig of beer. Disgusting, just how he likes it (I'm sorry to beer drinkers everywhere).]

I'm countin' on your word, in that case. This place's food better be great, your reputation is on the line.

Peanuts are different. That's a snack.

[Don't get technical with him mister he'll bite you.]

My reputation, huh? I didn't know I had one!

[Well. Yes he does, but not that one. His reputation for Crime is not on the line.

Anyway he's going to gently kick Wolfwood's shin under the table. Bonk bonk bonk.]

[Wow! Rude. Wolfwood snorts, and after Ain kicks his shin a couple times, he'll bring the side of his other boot around to block the next kick, pressing the toe of it back against the sole of Ain's. They are playing footsie under the table-]

Maybe in this town you do. You've been turnin' heads ever since you got here. Ain't you noticed?

[Honestly people mostly are like "what is the gender", while others are completely fooled and are just like "wow...prety..."]

Edited 2024-05-10 17:03 (UTC)

[Sips his wine... Plays footsies... Ah, yes, this feels like a date. It's not, of course. Ain doesn't go on dates with straight boys who can't even ride their damn horses to the restaurant with him, but it feels like one.

Sips wine harder. God, don't look at him you hot ass straight boy.]

Mm... I guess, kind of? I've been ignoring it. I'm good at that.

[He notices when he wants to notice and doesn't when he doesn't care. Like now, for example, when he's clearly just trying to get through dinner and playing footsies with a Heterosexual Man. He's vibin.]

[Wolfwood is learning, slowly. Very very slowly. He's working on being less of a toxic presence! It's just difficult for him to unlearn, you understand.]

They might as well quit lookin' anyway. You're-

[With me. No.]

-busy. Right?

[Yeah uh huh busy sure]

[Ain gets it but also pleaaaaaaaase admit that you think he's pretty and kiss him, it's not that he's pining it's that men in denial drive him hog wild, especially when they've already fucked him once?? Goddd ugh.

He's getting overinvested, actually, he needs to step back. But boy pretty... he likes to stare at boy... sigh. Ain's love life, or lack thereof, is so pathetic. Of course he's weirdly attached to this guy who he keeps saying he'll rob blind.]

People are going to look no matter what, [he says casually, leaning back in his seat,] even if I'm busy, even if I'm spending my time having dinner with someone. Let them look.

[He drops his voice to a murmur, leaning his cheek against his palm.]

There's a reason I did my makeup a little before we came in.

[Listen he's obviously edging you on purpose Ain, he's out here playing the long game. It's clear that Wolfwood is going through something though, which might be better than nothing at all...]

Oh yeah? Somehow I knew you'd like the attention.

[Gee, I wonder why.]

How long does it take you to put all that on anyway?

"All that"? [Ain asks, baffled,] It's lipstick and a little bit of blush. Maybe... two minutes? Three if I don't have a handheld mirror on me?

[??????????????????]

You realise I just look like this, right? Freckles and all?

[The long eyelashes, too, are completely natural. The plump lips are natural, they're just painted pink right now. The soft skin? Not covered, he is just this soft.]

[Wolfwood looks...genuinely surprised. Like he thought the majority of Ain's "pretty" look was just from him applying loads of makeup. Ain was wearing makeup the night they fucked too, and most of the time it was still on him, sans when they took a bath together.]

Really? Well you can't blame me for bein' a little surprised by that, can you?

[You're...A MAN, he wants to say. Would have maybe said, before...but for some reason, he thinks better of it.

Conveniently, this is right as their food is being delivered, so it's probably for the best.]

[Meanwhile the waitress probably heard that and was like damn I wish I was that pretty :/ au naturale up in this bitch smh :/ yeah sorry he's actually a man with major twink genes it's fine. His whole family was obnoxiously beautiful, Ain just prefers to distance himself from it. This bloodline dies with him etc.]

Mm... no, I can't blame you. I could do eye makeup, but I don't really prefer to. It's a lot to wash off at the end of the night. I've done it before...

[You know, to sell the bit.]

I dunno. I guess I'm blessed, huh?

[What the fuck. What the fuck?? Here he thought learning about Ain's makeup routine would help him feel less bad about being attracted to him, knowing it was mostly just fabricated, but here he is just...naturally beautiful???

Now Wolfwood is feeling even more conflicted, his heart thudding a bit too hard in his chest as he reaches for his silverware.]

...yeah. I guesso.

[He swallows hard, but it does nothing to get his heart back into his chest. No, it's made for itself a home right there in his throat, beating frantically.]

Guess everybody can't look so......nice.

[Aww, Wolfwood... you're trying so hard. To be clear, Ain doesn't see through this one; it's not an insult or gay or against God to admit that someone else is attractive. Like, sure, if you're toxic masculine all the time that's probably true, you can't just look at a man and go "hey he's good-looking (platonic)" but if you're NORMAL you sure can. Ain has, uh, very rarely looked at a man and gone "he's good-looking but I wouldn't sit on his face" so he's a bad example, however he has looked at girls and gone "she's so pretty! (platonic)" so it sort of counts?

He's gay. What do you want from him.]

Thanks, haha. You could say I come from good stock... mm, if you take away the cultlike behaviour and the hatred and all that. My family are all very beautiful people and I want nothing to do with them.

[Cuts his steak, takes a bite.]

You look nice too, you know. I'm not just saying that, but I think you know that about me already. It's a lot more than me being physically attracted to you, though. It's like... I guess, when you see someone good-looking and you turn heads? Like you were saying about me a second ago. You're that, but masculine.

[It's an ego inflater to hear something like that, to be sure. He wants nothing more than to seem masculine and conventionally attractive in that way, so while one might consider it an insult to be told that by a gay man...Wolfwood does not. He's really flattered, actually, and almost misses his mouth with his glass in the wake of the compliment.]

Thankya kindly. I guess people ain't comin' to me for my personality, so at least I got my looks goin' for me, eh?

[Okay well you didn't have to just come out and say it-]

I dunno what it is 'bout you though, Ain. Maybe it's the family genes or whatever, like you said, but there's...somethin' else, I think.

[Like how the way his eyes crease when he smiles, or how his eyes light up when he laughs, or the way the sun dances off his freckles just right?

He's beautiful from the inside out, not just the outside in.]

Oh, you and your big mouth are insufferable, yes, but there's a certain charm to it.

["Ain do you like bad boys" maybe! Leave him alone!]

You're sweet when you're honest. I keep having to tell you that, but it's true. I do wonder if that's the liquor talking, or if you're being candid with me finally.

[Ain picks up his own glass and swirls the contents around, grinning, before he tilts it to his lips and takes a delicate sip of it. It's sharp. A bit too bitter for his liking, if he's honest, but he paid for it so he's going to drink it, dammit.]

[Now you listen here-]

Insufferable, eh?

[He eyes Ain over the rim of his glass, tapping his foot underneath the table.]

Well I dunno where you're gettin' it from, cause I haven't been lyin' to ya.

[Like sure, he hasn't TOLD Ain he's hunting him, but omission isn't the same as lying, now is it?]

Just...I dunno. Got to know you better, s'all. I ain't usually this friendly to strangers.

...I think you and I both know what I mean by honest.

[Ain doesn't know if he needs to say more here, but he doesn't; he simply maintains Wolfwood's gaze for a second too long, a hint in those green eyes. It's not about the being-hunted thing, which Ain has no fucking clue about, but rather the little things: Wolfwood admitting he thinks Ain is pretty, Wolfwood saying he enjoyed their time on the pasture, Wolfwood saying that Ain's comments on his smile didn't upset him. Things like that.

He's praying to God right now. Please be gay. Please like men. He doesn't — shouldn't — need Wolfwood around, especially when the man has just enough coin in his back pocket to justify petty theft and especially when Ain's incapable of love and flies solo, but...

...but. Please don't be just exploring your sexuality and realising you prefer women, please he's begging.

It's awful. He shouldn't care. It doesn't matter.]

You'll get to know me more on the road, I wager. I wonder if you'll still like me after we get to the next town?

[Wolfwood chooses not to respond to that, despite how pointedly Ain is looking at him right now. Despite how suspicious it is that he can't hold his gaze, having to look down at his plate as he cuts off a piece of steak.

While Ain is praying for his dinner date to be gay, Wolfwood is running away from the gay thoughts as hard and as fast as he can, even though his mind keeps circling around to all of the things it shouldn't. Ain's horny schpeal from earlier. The way he kissed him in thanks earlier. How he stumbled to find an excuse to stay with Ain, not just because he has to for his boss's sake.

There's a lot going on in his head right now, and he probably isn't going to be able to sort through it until he's laying under the stars with the sinking realization he fucked a man again.]

Guess there'll be only one way to find out. The feeling's gonna be mutual, I'm sure.

[Like if Ain hasn't gotten enough of him YET...]

[That makes Ain laugh. It's not bright and boisterous like usual, but more of a muted, albeit entertained one. He's trying not to draw too much attention to the two of them. He knows how dangerous it is. No one needs to get accosted because Ain's voice is deep and that, friends, will make any toxic patriarchal man suspicious enough to challenge it.]

I don't know~, you don't seem like you sing half as much as me. I'm surely going to annoy you the entire trip. I can improvise songs if I run out!

[Trust him, he's going to improvise. They'll be going down the road and Ain will just start singing about a tumbleweed or something.]

[Ugh. Shit. His laugh is cute...it makes his heart skip a beat in a way he doesn't really know what to do with.]

You sure do like singin' a lot, don'tcha? I'm surprised you didn't just try to do that professionally.

[Do they have professional singers in the old west? He knows they have people who sing at saloons certain nights, like Ain has been doing at the one here for example, but one wonders if that's a permanent job you could get.]

[Hums.]

I might need to settle down in a bigger town for that, and that's the issue. You know, settling.

[Ain is a wild child, remember? Can't settle down can't find love can't follow God.]

Maybe when I'm thirty or forty, I'll calm down. For now? I think I'll just do whatever I want.

[He was put on this planet to do one thing, luckily he forgot what it was so he can do whatever he wants—]

Well you got the right idea. You should do whatever you want. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

[Says the guy who has a boss telling him what to do, but you know. He'll even lift his glass to that before knocking back another swig of his beer. It is also rich coming from somebody who conforms so strongly to societal norms that it's hilariously bad.

Maybe if he tells it to Ain enough, he'll be able to convince himself, too? Just a thought.]

This is fuckin' good, by the way. Guess you get to preserve your rep after all.

I toooold you.

[Wolfwood is doing a bad job at arresting this man, but that's okay, it means that Wolfwood isn't conforming to "the man" (kind of). It also means more silly crime time for Ain later, like tomorrow morning when he starts lifting people's coinpurses without even batting an eye. Sillymode :)

He eats very fast, though. He's wolfed this down, despite the conversation. The only thing that remains are a few bits of the side mashed potatoes and his wine, which he's trying not to chug. He'll get through it eventually.]

I tend to know restaurants, since I don't cook or anything. Each town I go to, I scope out the food that's good and that's bad, and go from there. If you stick with me into the next town we're at, I'll lead us to good places, trust me.

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